Introduction to Never Lonely

Prologue: The article bellow was not written on a whim but was born out of decades of struggles with these issues, numerous searches for love and fulfillment on and off-line and many failures, rejection and brushes with the darkness before reaching illumination. Therein lies, we hope, it potency as an antidote along with exposition of some carefully chosen relevant biblical passages and the fact the The Holy Spirit helped and inspired us to write it! Many of its lines and phrases came to us while on our knees in prayer. However, we still ask that you do your own studies and searches to see if it be so. We hope, these truths will set someone free and help to heal them.

We have tried to bring a fresh look into some of these issues so that hopefully, it won't be redundant for you if you have recently read a book or heard a sermon on singleness and marriage. To those who may not have studied these issues and who seek a guide we hope this will be a good starting place for you.

Please Note that the essay bellow are bound to be continually edited We will append additional complimentary insights from time to time.// There is also bound to be not a few edits and rewrites in order to improve clarity and remove ambiguities that may arise. Its a book in the process of being written.








Introduction: "I need love right away!"

A recent Ad from a lady on a popular website read. "I have been keeping myself for several years believing God would send me a husband but now I am tired of waiting. I would like to have a man in my life right away. Are you that man?"

Somewhat startling as this Ad may be, its not uncommon and it illustrates the struggles many believers have with respect to the issues of marriage, relationship and being single. Many people, including those who are Christians, are trying to find their kindred spirit through the Internet, hoping to stumble upon love . The frustrations people experience in these areas are numerous. We will try to plug a few holes, bring to light certain issues and try to uncover truths that have remained hidden for various reasons.

Because these issues can be a puzzling conundrum to those of us who have found happiness in this area to be illusory, we have tried to demystify this issues and have outlined bellow, the pieces of the puzzle that involve, marriage, singleness and spirituality. This article is designed to be helpful for all 'saved' singles and especially to those who are in their late thirties or forties who want or need some insight in this area.

We realize that younger people have a different dynamic and understanding when it comes to these issues and we will leave that discussion to other younger writers, although a lot of the things mentioned bellow can apply to all. Nevertheless, we are pointing our pen mainly at older singles whose passions we assume have ebbed a little or at least have been tempered and to whom 'burning in love' is not their main problem or motivation.

We trust that if you are young and stumble upon these words you shall find nuggets of wisdom that can enrich your understanding; so we encourage you to read also.


***************@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@*****************@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@

There shall never be loneliness

When temptation becomes overwhelming
or the loneliness hard to bear
It should drive us to our knees
Into our Lord's arms who cares
Where He attends to our cries
and helps us to bear
Sin's violent thrashings

And with our heart's thirst quenched
we come away singing and rejoicing
full to the brim, belching mysteries
of a world to be birthed soon
and looking to it's glorious rise
where there shall never be loneliness
But every Joy and happiness

sighing and longing
We wait to enter her gates
This New Jerusalem
where the righteous dwell

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Like what you just read? Why not get a copy of the whole book?

Are you single and lonely? This book will help prepare you for the rough and tumble world of dating and relationships. It's choke full of great wisdom and insights from scripture. You can read the whole book or listen to the Cd at one or two sittings and come away with very helpful, poweful nuggets to help you in your christian walk. While reading these inspirational book you will realize that you need never be lonely or feel lonely. We pray the same anointing that helped us to write it will flow and touch your life.

This poweful Book is full of scriptures and insights that can and will be helpful to you, a friend or a loved one.

Subjects addressed include RELATIONSHIPS, Loneliness, LOVE, SEX, SINGLENESS, MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, spirituality, intimacy, Lonliness, ASB etc,

A sweeping look at the issue of marriage, singleness, lonliness and the Bible's council on such issues

50 PAGES,

BOOKLET FORMAT AND CD

Ch 1. We are Never Alone

Never Alone
Intimacy with Christ

We can all surely understand people’s need for a mate. We pray God give those of you praying and asking for a mate, the desires of your heart and bless you with someone that can fulfill you and make you happy! Until then, think of prayer time as a 'romantic outing' or having a barbecue or drinking coffee at Starbucks with Jesus. That way, one never feels alone or lonely. Christ is always available to hear us, talk to us and sup with us. The intimacy we cultivate with The Lord will enrich all aspects of our life and will also help us in our search to find the right companion if and when we are so inclined. Our adoption into God’s family means that we are literally yoked in service with many wonderful Christian brothers and sisters so we should never feel lonely. The nature of our relationship with the Lord is such that it should grow to where the worldly concept of loneliness should no longer touch us or cause us to be in pain or sadness. We need not conform ourselves to the ways of the world. The Lord will become our unfailing joy in all matters and situation. As Paul said, “Nothing can separate us” from His Love.


The valley of decisions

We have come to the conclusion that because attitudes regarding marriage are lax while God's law is not( check Luke 16:17-18 above) that it is absolutely essential for a Christian to be led by the Holy Spirit in this area. By that, we mean let The Holy Spirit give you the name, photograph and GPS location of the person you are supposed to marry. (We say that in humor, but you get the point!) We really only have one chance in a lifetime to get it right and 'get the gold', so we should pull on all our resources and give it all we can, before arriving at a final decision. Pray, study and learn as much as you can about, 'prospective' friends; you are bound to encounter some diamonds in the rough, some sheep and yes, some wolves and a few in-between.

Such vigilance should hold especially true for those of us forty-somethings who are looking for another chance at marital bliss, who have made some attempt before which failed or those who had somehow forgone the 'joy' of the whole experience altogether. We might rather have to 'tunnel upward' in spiritual thirst and hunger for the prize of the high calling of God and be less concerned about being with a mate(even if only for a season). Lost in the heart of the master means being more concerned about making spiritual impact in a needy world while in a deep, close relationship with him. Even if that is all we will have here in this life, it would have been worth it! It is better than succumbing to a bad, mediocre relationship or (worse) an unhappy and destructive one. (for those gambling on a compromise, "Don't!").

If God gives us both(companionship and anointing) then blessed be. Some people have that double joy of being with their true life-partner and serving the master effectively, but the reality is a lot of people don't and some just gamble on someone and lose out on both ends, spiritual and marital.



Seeking The Jewel of Heaven
& the desire of nations

We should want to make sure that we know Christ and The power of His resurrection and count all else as rubbish like the apostle says. This often means putting our own wants and desires on the cross and suffering loss of life to gain His abundant life, which is more than a fair exchange. We might be wrongly perceived as "playing for the other team" (to use a reference from an episode of Seinfeld) or made to feel sex-less in a sin crazed world. This is one other cross to bear in this adventure where we are bidden to scale higher spiritual altitudes and hitherto unexplored peaks. Imagine the power of a testimony that says "I strive to live pure in a corrupt world and Christ helps and forgives me in my infirm seasons." So we should never give up on holiness, no matter what the temptation or the barrage of lies we face( Hebrews 12:14, I Thess. 4:2-8). We know the wisdom of our choices will be apparent to our Lord who rewards us. If we have Christ in his fullness in this life then we have the greatest part as all things that seem important pale besides Him. As the old Hymn states so beautifully " The things of this world will grow strangely dim."

You can buy a hard copy of the complete blog 'Never Lonely' together with the audio book Cd.

Ch 2. Seeking Companionship

Seek and you will find
Looking for Love

We hope what we said so far makes sense to some of you and that it encourages you to seek to know Christ more in the short time that is left. There are plenty of other writes are who are better placed and more qualified to write about courtship and the mechanics of searching for a mate. Please feel free to consult these sources where ours seems deficient, skewed or unrealistic. This book is mostly about the important and yet often wanting spiritual, biblical, theological and philosophical ideals regarding marriage and singleness. However, before we establish those we want to touch on some of the realities and the practical aspects of searching for a mate. While we have the workings of a particular culture in mind, we might not do justice to the dynamics of interactions in your corner of the universe. Please feel free to use your own imagination to fill in the details where our descriptions seem to be lacking.

Jesus said of the single calling “not everyone can receive it" so it’s not for everyone. Of course, if one finds their true friend and partner, it’s a wonderful thing and they should consummate a marriage. However, not all of us will find it easy to find a mate in our modern, irreverent, sin and self worshiping world. Christians might find their way of life to be a rarity even as they themselves are. A significant portion of the pool of christian 'single' people over their late thirties would have gone through one or more relationships, some of whom may still be binding according to scripture. In addition, to make matters more complicated, each individual is bound to have various social, medical, psychological and economical issues that need to be worked out before reaching a cleared flag to marry.

Searching for friends in the internet age

Some of us are pining for someone to set us up. Where is Tzeitel* when you need her? Today, we have thousands of computer servers and their webmasters doing her services. This has brought millions of people together so they can try to make a connection. This is an incredible advancement but as we find out soon enough it can be deceptive. We have all logged on, created a profile and waited until "we got mail". Some of us are still waiting! While it has increased our possibilities it may make us overlook what is close to us and in front of us "This lady from Scandinavia has a great testimony,... that African guy is an upstanding member of society" etc etc. The Logistics can be a nightmare and the information can be endless; it's also very easy for people to misrepresent themselves for comic or more ominously for nefarious reasons. While the number of choices for friendships may be unlimited the task of vetting for a single choice is virtually impossible. Good or bad, internet dating has become a popular way of life for today's tech-savvy generation and has become part of many people's calculations when it comes to searching for a mate. It has given an option to people who cannot meet people in the conventional ways or who may find that they are too tied up with work not to be able to socialize.However, it still remains true, that there is no better place for us than the local church, where to foster friendships, know about each other’s character, testimony and worship-life. .

Desirability and attraction

Looks are the reason why Mathilda married way before her brighter friend Jennifer leaving Jennie a little sad and at the same time struggling to be happy for her friend. Its just a general fact of life that those with genes for good looks or with better social status and wealth will advance to the finals sooner in the game of love. Some of us might like to marry persons created in the image of Ken and Barbie who are also super-spiritual. But we will find that there aren't enough to go around and that they are usually all taken by others who are from similar gene pools. Some of us are late bloomers and only catch up to our rich or statuesque peers later in life.

23 and those [parts] of the body, which we think to be less honorable, upon these we bestow more abundant honor; and our uncomely [parts] have more abundant comeliness; 24 whereas our comely [parts] have no need: but God tempered the body together, giving more abundant honor to that [part] which lacked; 25 that there should be no schism in the body; but [that] the members should have the same care one for another.( I Corinthians 12: 19-29)

There is however no need for anxiety as God is not a respecter of persons(Or In the original language no respecter of 'faces'). He has a way of compensating the plain or average among us the way he compensated the attention starved Leah over her beautiful sister Rachel by making her womb fertile (Genesis ch. 29:31). In many instances in scripture, God is seen to be present among His people as an equalizer, giving favor to those who are seemingly left behind. Those who are first are seen ending up being last and vice-versa. Jesus himself was despised and rejected many times; He was considered uneducated, rough and may not have been that good looking! Paul was maligned in the same manner. God often chooses the weak, beggarly and 'non-beautiful' of the world for himself(1 Cor. 2:28-29). We should take courage that where we start in life may not matter if God is working in our lives, for He is able to take us to greater heights than what we have known.

Because appearances play a role in courtship, a small mention needs to be made of what we find attractive and desirable in one another. Desirability, often connected with looks and considered to be mainly visual, also includes things like intellect, personality and spirituality, but ultimately is only known to the mysterious chooser hidden deep within the seeker's psyche (mind). The Holy Spirit's influence can't be discounted here but we will limit ourselves to the human side of attraction for now. Some people's chooser is quite fickle and rejects people for small trivial things. They say things like "She twirls her fingers or he rubs his nose when he speaks" We hear of people getting rejected for such minor quirks and mannerisms. That is why first impressions are often important. Temperament and attitude which are both reflections of our inner character are also big factors when it comes to like-ability. One's work, education and income can also be important, decisive factors for some people.

There is also no doubt that attire, grooming, hygiene and posture affect how we measure each other. These might be areas where "the children of this world are wiser than the children of light" but it does not have to be necessarily so. The people of the world learn early on how to play 'the game of love' from 'externals' and they get very good at it, but we have to learn to trust in The Lord. They know how to wash the outside of the cup and yet it's dirty inside; we concentrate on the inside, in the planting of virtues and plucking of sin.

We hate to sound like the TV makeover gurus but it is still needful to take care of the outside and often its what gets our foot in the door of love(We apologize to you anointed pilgrims in your Khaki's and camel hair attire but it needs to be said in this context, as some of us can be negligent of it) Our body image, our looks, attire and grooming are important because a lot of people's decisions primarily pivot on these factors. Within limits, we can all help our outward image by spending some time in front of the mirror. It goes without saying that cultivating one's flowers and garden well invites the butterflies and bees to come. Once they show up we still have to go through a selection process.

You can buy a hard copy of the complete blog 'Never Lonely' and the audio book CD using the paypal button bellow.

CH 4. The True meaning of love

Establishing the true meaning of Love

Love, the oozy, gooey stuff that you felt in your tender years may not always show up in your latter days as you search for a mate. Where had that gotten you anyway, right? Often times, it got us trouble! It may have worked for Pete the quarterback and Jenna the cheerleader(sorry you guys!) but such love has left many of us devastated in its wake. We are, of course, poking fun at the old infantile idea that love is a special feeling you have that lets you identify your mate magically. We shouldn't discount our feelings but we should consider character as well; because, we will soon enough be confronted with, the inner working of the person we choose for a mate and the sooner we know the better. Some of us have found out to our shock, that finer looks can cover up serious monsters lurking beneath the skin. What is love then, is it a chemical response to the geometry of someone's face, shape and voice or is there more to it? We will venture here to explore what many before us have tried to do, that is, to define love concisely in its fullest most complete form. But first lets see what love is not.


Deficient portrayals of love in the media culture

One of Satan's subtler tricks may have been to redefine love just as an amalgam of feelings and sensuality, such as portrayed in daytime TV soaps, some romance books written for woman or certain exploitative cinema. In many so called romance books and movies that are marketed and consumed in mass, people's understanding of love is framed along narrow or bizarre physical and emotional plot lines and scripts. The current debonair movie stars are seen falling in 'love' and engaging in a number of steamy sex scenes which command big revenues at the box office. The temptation to buy into the illusion of such portrayals of 'love' can be immense as it can feel good for a while but its better resisted. It creates a fantasy world that competes with and detracts from the real possibilities that come in life. It also creates unreasonable expectations resulting in good prospective mates to be passed up for fantastic imaginary ones or it creates problems in relationships already entered. Not all fantasies may be harmless, some take a life of their own and can be taken too far into the realms of the demonic.

Pornography: The Love of Lust

Porn addiction is an example of the enemies 'trap door' bondage in which people can fall into while on an illicit search for gratification. Besides, if one is satisfied with the imaginary and the virtual why go look for the real thing? The Lord Said, "He who looks upon a woman to lust after her commits adultery in his heart". The usage of both verbs in "he who looks.. to.. lust" intensifies the act to where just looking at people and admiring their natural attributes is precluded from being sin. We look at people everyday and we say "She is beautiful" or "He is handsome". This is obviously not what should be understood to be sin here. As the God that He is, Jesus lays claim to that part of our imagination, that tries people on for size and pleasure and commands us to arrest it and turn it over to him. Therefor, the obvious application is to look at people around us with a pure motivation but it also has the following very important implications.

Jesus' use of "he who looks" and "lusts" makes his statement fit aptly to the use of pornography we see in our world. It fits so well in fact that it would seem like when he spoke it, He had anticipated a time, when men would streamline lust, first on paper and later on the new media technologies, as they have today. Being God and prophet He must have peered through time and given us a warning so we could be repentant of this scourge. Jesus statement can be reworded to apply to women also as they can also be guilty of such sins. She who looks upon a man to lust after him has committed adultery in her heart (see proverbs and Mark 10:12b for women causing adultery). We need to know and be convicted that watching porn is adultery of the heart and mind, a sin which should be hated and one if not repented is terminal to our spiritual life and growth. Eve, King David, Clinton, Tiger Woods, the list goes on and on of the people who "looked Upon" and "Lusted" and experienced a great downfall. Each had brought terrible consequences and judgments upon themselves which also affected those around them as well. We find in Hebrews the following quote,

Marriage is to be held in honor among all, and the marriage bed is to be undefiled ; for fornicators and adulterers God will judge.
Hebrews 13:4

Conclusion: What is Love?

As seen above, such lean, weak, emaciated or perverted portrayals of a so called love hardly come close to the full range, depth and reality of the love that is possible when we come to understand God's love for us and others. Thankfully, Christians need only look at the cross and the lives of those that exemplify it's principles in order to regain the true meaning of Love. It's in fact this God kind of love called Agape (in Greek) and not just Phelio(endearing friendship) or Eros(desire for opposite sex) that The scriptures say should be present between a man and a woman in Holy Matrimony(Ephesians 5:25). All three probably exists to some degree in good christian marriages. Agape is also supposed to exist between neighbors. Its a sacrificial love that treats the other equally if not better than oneself. Our understanding of love should then include a mutual respect and admiration, a sense of closeness of heart and mind and a camaraderie that comes from our allegiance to Christ. If people, who live their lives sacrificially everyday to serve others, don’t commend our love, we don’t know what love is because that is the love The Bible talks about.


A Love won through facing difficult circumstances together is bound to be much stronger and go much deeper than that found by just gazing at beauty which is passing.That is why soldiers who fought alongside each other and literally bled into each other while in battle, have a great love and respect for each other and an uncanny, almost eternal bond.

Implications to dating

Therefore we should look at and study the inner character of people and not just their outside visage. We should be giving out our laurels not just to attractive looking persons but to those who are patient, humble, kind, faithful, forgiving, diligent workers, peacemakers etc (Read the bible for a full list! Proverbs 31 and I Corinthians 13 are both good places to start). In the long run these types of qualities are what make a relationship or a friendship to be a lasting one.



Entertaining Angels and slaying dragons
where the rubber meets the road

We are not saying here that there shouldn't be a romantic attraction as most relationships start that way. However, we shouldn't dismiss prospective mates just because we don’t have a feeling initially or because they don't fit a certain mold we have in mind. We ought to rather give good people a chance and see if something develops; God may be the one sending them our way and we may be missing someone who has the potential to be good for us. "win friends for yourself..so they may receive you into everlasting habitations." It could be that we will find long lasting friendships even if we may not find our mate. We need to be guardedly open when looking for friendships. "Some have entertained angels unawares" Not everyone however may be an angel. It's true when we open up ourselves to others we also open up ourselves to possibly being hurt by them. Therefore, we might need to be on guard and be sensitive to how The Holy Spirit leads us because he knows what is in every one's heart.

Don't be weak or "take advantage" of others weaknesses

Because the western concept of dating can move too fast and does not have the boundaries set for us in the Bible, we need to be careful that while we search for friendships things don't turn out to be scandalous. It serves us well to take the following sobering advice from Paul.

    that each of you should learn to control his own body in a way that is holy and honorable, 5 not in passionate lust like the heathen, who do not know God; 6 and that in this matter no one should wrong his brother or take advantage of him. The LORD will punish men for all such sins, as we have already told you and warned you. 7 For God did not call us to be impure, but to live a holy life. 8 Therefore, he who rejects this instruction does not reject man but God, who gives you his Holy Spirit. 9 Now about brotherly love we do not need to write to you, for you yourselves have been taught by God to love each other. (1 Thessalonians 4:4-9 NIV)