“Two and a half men” starring Charlie Sheen, sticks to a recipe that flaunts a hedonistic portrayal of relationships in order to get laughter. Instead of boycotting the show for its 'in your face' hedonism we somehow forgive Charlie and laugh away at the jokes. Why? Well there is(was) a little cute boy in the show(who has since grown up) and Charlie's philandering are a result of him being raised by a doosie of a narcissistic mother. Also, the comedy and sarcasm is so good that we hardly notice the serious moral glitches paraded throughout the show. The show is smartly couched against an outcry with many shades of Grey that makes it blend into a strange normalcy we have become used to in the current cultural atmosphere. It's only when put against a white background(scripture) that its moral fuzz begins to differentiate and become visible. In it's bare form it insidiously challenges the very fabric of society by shall we say, "daring the male ego to seek to go to heights of debauchery".
It's true, the character Charlie has some identifiable likability; he has bouts with his conscience and he is certainly way cooler than his eccentric brother played by Jon Cryer (who Charlie generously allows to live with him along with his son). Just don't bring your fiancee within 50 yards of him or your wife for that matter. Yes, Charlie also commits adultery and once had gotten a black eye to prove it. He also usually drowns out his downturn in mood by drinking profusely and needs to see his therapist quite often. Can't even Charlie see that he must stop somewhere?
Getting away with murder
"That Charlie, 'har har', I tell you, is a smooth criminal." And so the mockery continues with Charlie laughing it up all the way to a ratings heaven and to a syndication blitz of a show about gross immorality. To be fair, Charlie Sheen is just an actor in the show who is only lending his 'academy award' caliber acting ability to such an inspiring production(sarcastically speaking). Assigning blame may not be easy in these situations. Is it the writers, the producers or the audience who is at fault? It suffices to say something is wrong and we are still waiting for the moral of this show to emerge. Is it that a life of philandering makes you hate yourself or that you should never grow up to stop chasing women? We give up; trying to find a moral in this show is like trying to eat spaghetti with a spoon. I don't think they are even trying Vern; are they?
It would seem as if every excuse possible is being created to corroborate the premise that Charlie's hedonism is cool or justified.
Analyzing Charlie
A conservatively minded, family oriented audience might find itself getting drawn in for a little while and might even occasionally sympathize with Charlie's pathos, only to end up being let down and infuriated as it watches the story lines descend extreme south very fast. Therefore the show should be visited and convicted with the old and yet still valid charge of being a corrupter of morals and promulgator of indecency. And yet, if there wasn't too much crude suggestive language and behavior and blatant debauchery put on a lot of the(ratings week?)episodes, we would have liked to give the writers more credit to having documented the classic American neurosis of wanting too much more than what this life can give, or what can be described in a simple term as selfishness. "How much is enough?"; "Remember that line from 'Wall Street', Charlie?" Which leads to the crux and apex of man's spiritual quest that says, "Where is satisfaction to be gotten for the human heart?" We will volunteer a clue to the answer; It's to be found at Jacob's well (read John Chapter 4).
Can Charlie be redeemed? Yes, we hope
It's obvious Charlie is stuck in a loop, why don't the producers seek a new direction for the show by finally giving Charlie a solid moral dimension instead of the fake 'eyes raised to heaven' prayers we see him do in a mockery of true spirituality. Maybe this time around, a 'new' Charlie can be written as an upstanding guy trying to stay on the straight and narrow, vending of the temptations that come at him and guarding himself from a relapse into 'old Charlie'(That would be a wonderful exploration if anyone is listening). Some of the other characters could also be written to having their own epiphanies. Charlie has grown and is currently in a monogamous relationship but keeps having double and triple visions which is an improvement still over his heyday when he used to bring home a new girl or prostitute every night. However, he keeps coming short of the promised land called fidelity even with the best of candidates. His fear of commitment we are told is due to him having mother issues having to do with, what else, but one of the religions of modernity, Freudian principles.
One can always dream
Maybe someone will write in an ending where Charlie has a conversion experience, even if only in an alternate universe, but we are only dreaming (sure, anything but that, as it would effectively kill Charlie the depressed "horn-dog" the bread winner of this show). And anyways, a show called Fringe running on another network is using that angle; we might have to tune in there next week instead.
Our 'beef' with the show
Someone will say, "There are fine, subtle points to these shows we need to appreciate, along with the biting sarcasm and a well written and acted comedy." To which we will reply, "Subtle points, really?! which ones?" Sure, it's superbly written and acted with a type of comedy that makes a farce of those things we all should hold sacred. Whatever other subtleties there might be are drowned out completely or forgotten while we unwillingly laugh at the sheer suggestiveness of the lines spoken in the show. Someone else might even suggest that these shows are the last bastions of a straight entertainment, as if God were to carry a bigger stick for one sin over against another. The truth is, a bold sin encourages other even bolder types of sin. Can someone please establish boundaries for sexual conduct for Charlie and the other characters in this show? If doing so makes it boring then we will at least have laughed without guilt being mixed in. Yet someone else will say, if you don't like it just don't watch it. We say, "Amen!, perhaps we won't"
The sign of the times: Repent
Once we have lit the barn on fire, there is no point in trying to save the hay. That's what sin does to our communities; it spreads like fire and ultimately it destroys lives; so we don't compromise with it, we put it out, by repenting(meta-noeo: greek for turning or changing of our mind) and turning our backs on it once and for all and embracing Christ's wonderful offer of his own pure and righteous life instead. Unlike when our buddies tell us to quit something, the power of the word "repentance" has great authority because it's heaven's council to someone living a wayward lifestyle. It's a council which we pray Charlie would also heed as God would accept and love and change him also.
Comedy and redemption
If you were to ask what hat the devil was wearing these days, comedy has to be one of his favorite five. What we as a people find funny can serve as gauge as to where we are in the history of western culture, where once upon a time Christianity held sway. Today, both seemingly and apparently, people want their fill of selfish indulgence as a right of passage before having to commit to any relationships. Comedy more than any other single art form encourages that. The way back from our dark digressions can be as simple as a genuine turning of our hearts to God who loves sinners. Charlie, we hope you will one day find redemption also.
Monday, May 31, 2010
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Sunday, May 23, 2010
Sitcom Morality & TV's salvation
The Value system inside The American Sitcoms
“the seat of the mockers”; “What can the just do?”
Television is often a loner’s staple diet and everyone else's junk food. The sweet covered poison capsules, that come to us through TV sitcoms can be awful tempting to emulate and become the playbook of life for a lot of singles. This is especially true where there is an an alarming absence of alternative programs that have a true godly, biblical vision that are able to compete in this genre(Except perhaps for Mr. Tyler Perry, Thank you!). Sure, some of these programs are hilarious and make us laugh and they may even have some useful, helpful qualities but they chip away at divine, eternal foundational principles that have to do with how we ought to live and which ought to be revered by everyone. Instead, mockery is made out of love, marriage, Christianity, The Commandments and even God himself; so woe is us.
In spite of the fact that sitcoms based on a married couple like 'Raymond' have proven that 'the funnies' don't have to come at the expense of morality and that audiences love them, the current slew of sitcoms and dramas, like for example, “Two and a half men” starring Charlie Sheen, stick to a recipe that flaunts a hedonistic portrayal of relationships in order to get laughter. Instead of boycotting the show for its 'in your face' hedonism we somehow forgive Charlie and laugh away at the jokes. Why? Well there is(was) a little cute boy in the show(who has since grown up) and Charlie's philandering are a result of him being raised by a doosie of a narcissistic mother. Also, the comedy and sarcasm is so funny we will hardly notice the serious moral glitches paraded in the show. It's true, Charlie has some identifaible likeability; he has bouts with his conscience and he is certainly way cooler than his eccentric brother played by Jon Cryer. Just don't bring your fiancee within 50 yards of him or your wife for that matter. Yes, Charlie also commits adultery and once had a black eye to prove it. He also usually drowns out his downturn in mood by drinking profusely and needs to see his therapist once in a while.
"That Charlie, 'har har', I tell you, is a smooth criminal." The mockery continues with Charlie laughing it up all the way to a ratings heaven and to a syndication blitz of an immoral/amoral show. To be fair, Charlie Sheen is just an actor in the show who is only lending his 'academy award' caliber acting ability to such an inspiring(not) production, so assigning blame may not be easy in these situations. Is it the writers or the producers or the audience who is at fault? It suffices to say something is wrong and we are still waiting for the moral of this show. Is it that a life of Philandering makes you hate yourself or that you should never grow up to stop chasing the ladies? Maybe someone will write in an ending where Charlie has a conversion experience, even if only in an alternate universe, but we are only dreaming (they would do anything but that as it would effectively kill Charlie the 'horn-dog' as he is often called). And anyways, such a show like that called Fringe is already running on another network; we will probably tune in there next week.
Someone will say, "There are fine, subtle points to these shows we need to appreciate, along with the biting sarcasm and a well written and acted comedy." To which we will reply, "Subtle points, really?! which ones?" Sure, it's superbly written and acted with a type of comedy that makes a farce of those things we all should hold sacred. Whatever other subtleties there might be are drowned out completly or forgotten while we unwillingly laugh at the sheer suggestivness of the lines spoken in the show. Someone else might even suggest that these shows are the last bastions of a straight entertainment, as if God were to carry a bigger stick for one sin over against another. Yet someone else will say, if you don't like it don't watch it. To which we reply, "If It's not good for a 12 year old you shouldn't sell it either, because that's who will/might end up watching it"
Once we have lit the barn on fire, there is no point in trying to save the hay. That's what sin does to our communities; it spreads like fire and ultimately it destroys lives; so we don't compromise with it, we put it out, by repenting(meta-noeo: greek for turning or changing of our mind) and turning our backs on it once and for all and embracing Christ's wonderful offer of his own pure and righteous life instead. Unlike when our buddies tell us to quit something, the power of the word "repentance" has great authority because it's heaven's council to someone living a wayward lifestyle.
If you were to ask what hat the devil was wearing these days, comedy has to be one of his favorite five. What we as a people find funny can serve as gauge as to where we are in the history of western culture, where once upon a time Christianity held sway. Today, both seemingly and apparently, people want their fill of selfish indulgence as a right of passage before having to commit to any relationships. They form convenient short term agreements for mutual gratification that are supposed to be ‘freeing’ such as the one made between Elaine and Seinfeld. In a particular episode Elaine and Seinfeld make a pact to sleep together without having to do the 'cumbersome' things that come with a real relationship. To be fair to the said characters, they only articulated the selfishness and sin smoldering beneath the veneer of a 'respectable' modern society. Of course, as even the characters eventually found out, it turns out that it’s not really freeing at all but rather a deceptive lie that traps people in a cycle of sinful liaisons, one regrettable affair after another. Sure, Joey and the other characters from the show 'Friends' might be nice but do they have to go to bed with a different person on every other episode? If we all lived selfish lives like that where would be fidelity, honor and a family with loving parents or children? Yet,the mockery continues and it keeps getting worse. What can then the righteous do?
It would seem that such selfish lifestyles are being embraced except for among a few pockets of resistance such as among Mennonites or the Hamish or those evangelical churches that have retained a traditional culture rooted in the faith and religion. If the old prophet Isaiah were alive he would have cried on the streets of New York, London or many of the world's cities that are heavens for a lifestyle of fornication "If God had not left us a remnant we would be like Sodom and even as Gomorrah" (Isaiah 1:9).
Live by TV Die on TV
Without any risk of sounding like an alarmist, we plainly observe the following. We see the fire burning all around us, families are going under, marriages are failing and children are without their mothers and fathers*. Due to the moral relativism that we live in today, we are left to fight our moral failures by confronting our insurrections on public television shows like Maury, Cheaters or The Steven Wilcox shows, way after they have become full blown and when only little or nothing can be done to save them. These venues have little power to effect change or bring about a solution as no one is able to invoke the divine moral code, The Ten Commandments or it's giver. How can someone be told that they have sinned when there are no clear defined laws that tell them what sin is? If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? A nation that could have been a light to the world, its shining example of justice, truth and morality has now parts that have become the moral scourge of the world, it's Babylon. It would wonderful if we had shows in TV land that are on par with regard to artistic creative aspects without compromise on good morals and righteous principles. It may be too late for that. Maybe it's time to jump ship before it sinks.
“the seat of the mockers”; “What can the just do?”
Television is often a loner’s staple diet and everyone else's junk food. The sweet covered poison capsules, that come to us through TV sitcoms can be awful tempting to emulate and become the playbook of life for a lot of singles. This is especially true where there is an an alarming absence of alternative programs that have a true godly, biblical vision that are able to compete in this genre(Except perhaps for Mr. Tyler Perry, Thank you!). Sure, some of these programs are hilarious and make us laugh and they may even have some useful, helpful qualities but they chip away at divine, eternal foundational principles that have to do with how we ought to live and which ought to be revered by everyone. Instead, mockery is made out of love, marriage, Christianity, The Commandments and even God himself; so woe is us.
In spite of the fact that sitcoms based on a married couple like 'Raymond' have proven that 'the funnies' don't have to come at the expense of morality and that audiences love them, the current slew of sitcoms and dramas, like for example, “Two and a half men” starring Charlie Sheen, stick to a recipe that flaunts a hedonistic portrayal of relationships in order to get laughter. Instead of boycotting the show for its 'in your face' hedonism we somehow forgive Charlie and laugh away at the jokes. Why? Well there is(was) a little cute boy in the show(who has since grown up) and Charlie's philandering are a result of him being raised by a doosie of a narcissistic mother. Also, the comedy and sarcasm is so funny we will hardly notice the serious moral glitches paraded in the show. It's true, Charlie has some identifaible likeability; he has bouts with his conscience and he is certainly way cooler than his eccentric brother played by Jon Cryer. Just don't bring your fiancee within 50 yards of him or your wife for that matter. Yes, Charlie also commits adultery and once had a black eye to prove it. He also usually drowns out his downturn in mood by drinking profusely and needs to see his therapist once in a while.
"That Charlie, 'har har', I tell you, is a smooth criminal." The mockery continues with Charlie laughing it up all the way to a ratings heaven and to a syndication blitz of an immoral/amoral show. To be fair, Charlie Sheen is just an actor in the show who is only lending his 'academy award' caliber acting ability to such an inspiring(not) production, so assigning blame may not be easy in these situations. Is it the writers or the producers or the audience who is at fault? It suffices to say something is wrong and we are still waiting for the moral of this show. Is it that a life of Philandering makes you hate yourself or that you should never grow up to stop chasing the ladies? Maybe someone will write in an ending where Charlie has a conversion experience, even if only in an alternate universe, but we are only dreaming (they would do anything but that as it would effectively kill Charlie the 'horn-dog' as he is often called). And anyways, such a show like that called Fringe is already running on another network; we will probably tune in there next week.
Someone will say, "There are fine, subtle points to these shows we need to appreciate, along with the biting sarcasm and a well written and acted comedy." To which we will reply, "Subtle points, really?! which ones?" Sure, it's superbly written and acted with a type of comedy that makes a farce of those things we all should hold sacred. Whatever other subtleties there might be are drowned out completly or forgotten while we unwillingly laugh at the sheer suggestivness of the lines spoken in the show. Someone else might even suggest that these shows are the last bastions of a straight entertainment, as if God were to carry a bigger stick for one sin over against another. Yet someone else will say, if you don't like it don't watch it. To which we reply, "If It's not good for a 12 year old you shouldn't sell it either, because that's who will/might end up watching it"
Once we have lit the barn on fire, there is no point in trying to save the hay. That's what sin does to our communities; it spreads like fire and ultimately it destroys lives; so we don't compromise with it, we put it out, by repenting(meta-noeo: greek for turning or changing of our mind) and turning our backs on it once and for all and embracing Christ's wonderful offer of his own pure and righteous life instead. Unlike when our buddies tell us to quit something, the power of the word "repentance" has great authority because it's heaven's council to someone living a wayward lifestyle.
If you were to ask what hat the devil was wearing these days, comedy has to be one of his favorite five. What we as a people find funny can serve as gauge as to where we are in the history of western culture, where once upon a time Christianity held sway. Today, both seemingly and apparently, people want their fill of selfish indulgence as a right of passage before having to commit to any relationships. They form convenient short term agreements for mutual gratification that are supposed to be ‘freeing’ such as the one made between Elaine and Seinfeld. In a particular episode Elaine and Seinfeld make a pact to sleep together without having to do the 'cumbersome' things that come with a real relationship. To be fair to the said characters, they only articulated the selfishness and sin smoldering beneath the veneer of a 'respectable' modern society. Of course, as even the characters eventually found out, it turns out that it’s not really freeing at all but rather a deceptive lie that traps people in a cycle of sinful liaisons, one regrettable affair after another. Sure, Joey and the other characters from the show 'Friends' might be nice but do they have to go to bed with a different person on every other episode? If we all lived selfish lives like that where would be fidelity, honor and a family with loving parents or children? Yet,the mockery continues and it keeps getting worse. What can then the righteous do?
It would seem that such selfish lifestyles are being embraced except for among a few pockets of resistance such as among Mennonites or the Hamish or those evangelical churches that have retained a traditional culture rooted in the faith and religion. If the old prophet Isaiah were alive he would have cried on the streets of New York, London or many of the world's cities that are heavens for a lifestyle of fornication "If God had not left us a remnant we would be like Sodom and even as Gomorrah" (Isaiah 1:9).
Live by TV Die on TV
Without any risk of sounding like an alarmist, we plainly observe the following. We see the fire burning all around us, families are going under, marriages are failing and children are without their mothers and fathers*. Due to the moral relativism that we live in today, we are left to fight our moral failures by confronting our insurrections on public television shows like Maury, Cheaters or The Steven Wilcox shows, way after they have become full blown and when only little or nothing can be done to save them. These venues have little power to effect change or bring about a solution as no one is able to invoke the divine moral code, The Ten Commandments or it's giver. How can someone be told that they have sinned when there are no clear defined laws that tell them what sin is? If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do? A nation that could have been a light to the world, its shining example of justice, truth and morality has now parts that have become the moral scourge of the world, it's Babylon. It would wonderful if we had shows in TV land that are on par with regard to artistic creative aspects without compromise on good morals and righteous principles. It may be too late for that. Maybe it's time to jump ship before it sinks.
Excerpts: New Chapter: Communication
We will include here a small discussion of interpersonal communication as it relates to the search for love. The following questions are examples of how communication plays a role in our search for a suitable companion. How are the signals we are giving and receiving being interpreted or deciphered? How can we hone and develop our communication skills so people understand exactly what we want to convey? Can we tell if he or she interested? Does she or he like me? Is their body language a predictor of whether they will say ”Yes”, ”No” or the dreaded ”Let’s just be friends”? Are they getting what we mean? Do we need to make ourselves clearer or are we perhaps pitching too hard? Do we need to take a hint that we might not be someone’s cup of tea? All of these questions have to do with our abilities to read and understand the signals we are giving and receiving from people.
One of the things we will need to have while looking and interacting with prospective friends is good communication skills. A great communicator is someone who is also a great listener. They can put themselves in other people’s shoes and understand where they are coming from while at the same time being able to convey their own thoughts well.
Communication with people whose background is from ‘reserved’ cultures tends to be slow paced while it tends to move fast in open cultures like in the United States. People from cultures where the parents are the ones who go in search of an appropriate mate for their children might tend to be reserved, quite or even withdrawn. The western cultures are quite the opposite in this regard and people learn how to communicate very well early on in their development. It's helpful to be aware of this when we interact with people from various backgrounds.
A Timely honest direct approach
“Let your Yes be Yes and you No be no”
Communication Rule # 1: Don’t keep them hanging
Sometimes we know if we are interested in someone who is propositioning us but they might be oblivious to our own feelings. It therefore becomes a matter of conscience and good form to let them know if we are interested or not. Fear or shyness may not be a good quality when it comes to love and relationships as it can stall us for too long in an unresolved state.
Rule # 2 Be direct
If we are interested in someone we should talk to them with a reasonable amount of directness. One of the best ways to express our interest is to tell them what we are thinking through a well prepared letter. This might be better than bringing it up during a conversation, over coffee or over the phone, because it will allow us to think through what we want to say and correct any mistakes before we say it. However strong we might feel, it’s better to keep our pitch light and not be too heavy handed. If they don't reciprocate our feeling, it will give everyone an easy way out.
Caution: Misunderstood
Because The Lamb is who we emulate and kindness has become our nature people often misjudge our gestures for romantic interest both in and outside of the church. Therefore we have to be careful how we project ourselves not to give people the wrong ideas. Signals meant to convey ‘Phileo’ love are often misunderstood as Eros love so we need to be careful not to lead people on. At the same time we need to put out signals that that are clear enough for conveying the feeling or emotion we want to transmit to perspective friends. Nuff said. (That's all we will say her and now).
One of the things we will need to have while looking and interacting with prospective friends is good communication skills. A great communicator is someone who is also a great listener. They can put themselves in other people’s shoes and understand where they are coming from while at the same time being able to convey their own thoughts well.
Communication with people whose background is from ‘reserved’ cultures tends to be slow paced while it tends to move fast in open cultures like in the United States. People from cultures where the parents are the ones who go in search of an appropriate mate for their children might tend to be reserved, quite or even withdrawn. The western cultures are quite the opposite in this regard and people learn how to communicate very well early on in their development. It's helpful to be aware of this when we interact with people from various backgrounds.
A Timely honest direct approach
“Let your Yes be Yes and you No be no”
Communication Rule # 1: Don’t keep them hanging
Sometimes we know if we are interested in someone who is propositioning us but they might be oblivious to our own feelings. It therefore becomes a matter of conscience and good form to let them know if we are interested or not. Fear or shyness may not be a good quality when it comes to love and relationships as it can stall us for too long in an unresolved state.
Rule # 2 Be direct
If we are interested in someone we should talk to them with a reasonable amount of directness. One of the best ways to express our interest is to tell them what we are thinking through a well prepared letter. This might be better than bringing it up during a conversation, over coffee or over the phone, because it will allow us to think through what we want to say and correct any mistakes before we say it. However strong we might feel, it’s better to keep our pitch light and not be too heavy handed. If they don't reciprocate our feeling, it will give everyone an easy way out.
Caution: Misunderstood
Because The Lamb is who we emulate and kindness has become our nature people often misjudge our gestures for romantic interest both in and outside of the church. Therefore we have to be careful how we project ourselves not to give people the wrong ideas. Signals meant to convey ‘Phileo’ love are often misunderstood as Eros love so we need to be careful not to lead people on. At the same time we need to put out signals that that are clear enough for conveying the feeling or emotion we want to transmit to perspective friends. Nuff said. (That's all we will say her and now).
Thursday, May 13, 2010
Excerpt: Holy Spirit guidance improved
Heeding our Sweet Holy Spirit
"it seemed good To the Holy Ghost and to us"
"Does The Holy Spirit take the role of being a match maker or does he leave things for men and women to decide for themselves? We believe the answer is 50/50. We see Him lead people in The Bible and in church history in various ways and in diverse situations. In at least on one instance, we see God telling a prophet(like Hosea) who exactly to marry in arguably one of the greatest love story books of the Old Testament. He is no doubt present to help us make good choices but may not override our will in this area. However, we would be foolish not to seek his voice and leading in this area or to ignore it after it's given. He might lead us to be cautious about a friendship we have started or tell us to hold off and wait or maybe even abort one altogether. Some might feel the need for a special time to pray and seek God in-order to get clarity.
God has promised not to give us a serpent when we ask for an egg and we will stipulate here that this applies to many aspects of the Christian life including our search for a partner. The Holy Spirit more than anyone else would know who would suit us and whether two people can together have an enduring fruitful life that brings glory to God! If we find that we have a certain physical, emotional and intellectual compatibility with someone who is a Christian and that there is mutual interest, we should then run it by The Lord during prayer time to see how He would lead us, all the while studying the situation on the ground. This will give us a balanced approach that takes into consideration both spiritual and natural factors.
Seeking Holy Ghost Guidance
"He will lead you into all truth"
The Peace of God
In the above quote, The apostle is talking about differentiating wisdom that is from above from that which comes from man. Notice how peace is repeated throughout heavenly wisdom while it's missing from the earthly kind (verses 14-16)
One of the ways The Lord leads us or confirms something to us is by granting us His peace in a situation. The absence of such peace should be a warning to us that ''kingdoms might be in conflict'' and we may be treading in risky waters. We are not here talking about minor disagreements which are quite common to all relationships but about a deeper spiritual chasm that may exist between us and a perspective mate. If we sense peace from God we should be able to move forward and continue to interact with our intended, always doing things prayerfully.
Hearing From God
Knowing God's perfect will for our life requires that a certain level of spiritual maturity be present where we are exercised to know God's voice and leading for our lives. This usually means having proficiency in understanding the scriptures and a prayer life that loves to have a daily intimacy with God. If we are not sure ourselves, it's always good to enlist others to pray with us and for us asking for God's guidance. The people we enlist should be spiritual, mature and trustworthy Christians. We might also want to invest time to learn about how to know God's will and how to hear his voice for ourselves, as this will beneficial to us in every area of our life, not just courtship. Hearing God's still small voice usually means that we need to find times during the day for quite prayer, shut away from all the noise and clamor of the world.
The Scriptures: The Language of Heaven
The Word of God in The Bible is totally inspired and it is God-speak for mankind. The word of God is the wisdom of God. Studying God's Word regularly and systematically becomes paramount because it's also The Holy Spirit's language through which He mainly addresses us. If we don't learn this language whatever we hear will be confusing to us. Practicing these precepts we have studied daily in our life makes them to be second nature to us and will immediately affect our decision process and every area of our lives. Even if dreams and visions are supplementary and exciting ways through which The Lord opens up our understanding, they work in conjunction with and on the foundation laid by the scriptures. Daniel was reading The Word of God given to Jeremiah when he received his spectacular visions about the end (Daniel 9:2).
The Word always precedes anything else The Lord might speak to us or do in our lives and we should be invested in studying it. God has once and for all time, singularly and perfectly represented Himself in the scriptures and will not contradict them nor himself change. The More of the Bible we have read and understood the clearer we are going to be able to hear God and the more God can speak to us in supplementary ways without us falling into error or deception. Therefore let us not be Bible illiterate but let's learn heaven's common language with man, the scriptures, thoroughly. The treasury of wisdom we acquire even on one reading of The Bible can be tremendous and will grow incrementally as we commit to study it more.
*************************************************
Are you single and lonely? This book will help prepare you for the rough and tumble world of dating and relationships. It's choke full of great wisdom and insights from scripture. You can read the whole book or listen to the Cd at one or two sittings and come away with very helpful, poweful nuggets to help you in your christian walk. While reading these inspirational book you will realize that you need never be lonely or feel lonely. We pray that the same anointing that helped us to write it will touch your life in a special way also.
This poweful Book is full of scriptures and insights that can and will be helpful to you, a friend or a loved one.
Subjects addressed include RELATIONSHIPS, Loneliness, LOVE, SEX, SINGLENESS, MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, spirituality, intimacy, Lonliness, ASB etc,
A sweeping look at the issue of marriage, singleness, lonliness and the Bible's council on such issues
50 PAGES,
BOOKLET FORMAT AND CD
"it seemed good To the Holy Ghost and to us"
"He will lead you into all truth"
"Does The Holy Spirit take the role of being a match maker or does he leave things for men and women to decide for themselves? We believe the answer is 50/50. We see Him lead people in The Bible and in church history in various ways and in diverse situations. In at least on one instance, we see God telling a prophet(like Hosea) who exactly to marry in arguably one of the greatest love story books of the Old Testament. He is no doubt present to help us make good choices but may not override our will in this area. However, we would be foolish not to seek his voice and leading in this area or to ignore it after it's given. He might lead us to be cautious about a friendship we have started or tell us to hold off and wait or maybe even abort one altogether. Some might feel the need for a special time to pray and seek God in-order to get clarity.
11 "Now suppose one of you fathers is asked by his son for a fish ; he will not give him a snake instead of a fish, will he? 12 "Or if he is asked for an egg, he will not give him a scorpion, will he? 13 "If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your heavenly Father give the Holy Spirit to those who ask Him?" Luke 11: 12-13
God has promised not to give us a serpent when we ask for an egg and we will stipulate here that this applies to many aspects of the Christian life including our search for a partner. The Holy Spirit more than anyone else would know who would suit us and whether two people can together have an enduring fruitful life that brings glory to God! If we find that we have a certain physical, emotional and intellectual compatibility with someone who is a Christian and that there is mutual interest, we should then run it by The Lord during prayer time to see how He would lead us, all the while studying the situation on the ground. This will give us a balanced approach that takes into consideration both spiritual and natural factors.
Seeking Holy Ghost Guidance
"He will lead you into all truth"
The Peace of God
17 But the wisdom that comes from heaven is first of all pure; then peace-loving, considerate, submissive, full of mercy and good fruit, impartial and sincere. 18 Peacemakers who sow in peace raise a harvest of righteousness. NIV James 3:17-18
In the above quote, The apostle is talking about differentiating wisdom that is from above from that which comes from man. Notice how peace is repeated throughout heavenly wisdom while it's missing from the earthly kind (verses 14-16)
One of the ways The Lord leads us or confirms something to us is by granting us His peace in a situation. The absence of such peace should be a warning to us that ''kingdoms might be in conflict'' and we may be treading in risky waters. We are not here talking about minor disagreements which are quite common to all relationships but about a deeper spiritual chasm that may exist between us and a perspective mate. If we sense peace from God we should be able to move forward and continue to interact with our intended, always doing things prayerfully.
Hearing From God
Knowing God's perfect will for our life requires that a certain level of spiritual maturity be present where we are exercised to know God's voice and leading for our lives. This usually means having proficiency in understanding the scriptures and a prayer life that loves to have a daily intimacy with God. If we are not sure ourselves, it's always good to enlist others to pray with us and for us asking for God's guidance. The people we enlist should be spiritual, mature and trustworthy Christians. We might also want to invest time to learn about how to know God's will and how to hear his voice for ourselves, as this will beneficial to us in every area of our life, not just courtship. Hearing God's still small voice usually means that we need to find times during the day for quite prayer, shut away from all the noise and clamor of the world.
The Scriptures: The Language of Heaven
The Word of God in The Bible is totally inspired and it is God-speak for mankind. The word of God is the wisdom of God. Studying God's Word regularly and systematically becomes paramount because it's also The Holy Spirit's language through which He mainly addresses us. If we don't learn this language whatever we hear will be confusing to us. Practicing these precepts we have studied daily in our life makes them to be second nature to us and will immediately affect our decision process and every area of our lives. Even if dreams and visions are supplementary and exciting ways through which The Lord opens up our understanding, they work in conjunction with and on the foundation laid by the scriptures. Daniel was reading The Word of God given to Jeremiah when he received his spectacular visions about the end (Daniel 9:2).
The Word always precedes anything else The Lord might speak to us or do in our lives and we should be invested in studying it. God has once and for all time, singularly and perfectly represented Himself in the scriptures and will not contradict them nor himself change. The More of the Bible we have read and understood the clearer we are going to be able to hear God and the more God can speak to us in supplementary ways without us falling into error or deception. Therefore let us not be Bible illiterate but let's learn heaven's common language with man, the scriptures, thoroughly. The treasury of wisdom we acquire even on one reading of The Bible can be tremendous and will grow incrementally as we commit to study it more.
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Like what you just read? Why not get a copy of the whole book?
Are you single and lonely? This book will help prepare you for the rough and tumble world of dating and relationships. It's choke full of great wisdom and insights from scripture. You can read the whole book or listen to the Cd at one or two sittings and come away with very helpful, poweful nuggets to help you in your christian walk. While reading these inspirational book you will realize that you need never be lonely or feel lonely. We pray that the same anointing that helped us to write it will touch your life in a special way also.
This poweful Book is full of scriptures and insights that can and will be helpful to you, a friend or a loved one.
Subjects addressed include RELATIONSHIPS, Loneliness, LOVE, SEX, SINGLENESS, MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, spirituality, intimacy, Lonliness, ASB etc,
A sweeping look at the issue of marriage, singleness, lonliness and the Bible's council on such issues
50 PAGES,
BOOKLET FORMAT AND CD
Wednesday, May 12, 2010
Dissonanace: It's a rough world
The New world ethic and the reluctance to marry.
The modern sexual ethic does not bother with or require a marriage covenant before engaging in sex. This ethics is formulated by fallen men observing a fallen world and applying, a faulty fallen reasoning. If you go by trend setter TV shows like ‘Friends’ or ‘Seinfeld’ or other relationship dramas, it would seem like people want to experiment and exhaust all their options and tumble in bed with a bunch of people before they marry. Self is God and and it's pleasure is put above everything else, almost as if every last bit of juice has to be sucked out of the sensual entrée before finally giving into the married life. What's left for the eventual fortunate person to be the spouse? We wonder.
Thus in considerable sections of the post modern world, the traditional marriage has become a relic of a distant past that has been supplanted by something that only vaguely resembles it. The new mantra seems to say, "Be happy until you can't anymore any which way you like and later on if you feel like it you can always get married." We only wish we were making this up but that is the prevailing attitude in a lot of places.
The Value system inside The American Sitcoms
The sweet covered poison capsules, that come to us through TV sitcoms and dramas have become the playbook of life for a lot of singles. Sure, some of these programs are hilarious and they may even have some redeeming qualities but they chip away at the foundational principles that ought to be revered by everyone. The enduring success of sitcoms based on a married couple like 'Raymond' prove that 'the funnies' don't have to come at the expense of morality. However, the current slew of sitcoms and dramas, like for example, Charlie Sheen’s “Two and a half men” go even further in flaunting a hedonistic portrayal of relationships. What we as a people find funny can serve as rough barometer as to where we are in the history of western culture, where for a long while Christianity had held sway. Now, seemingly and apparently, people want their fill of selfish indulgence as a right of passage before having to commit to any relationships. They form convenient short term agreements for mutual gratification that are supposed to be ‘freeing’ such as the one made between Elaine and Seinfeld in one of the earlier episodes where they make a pact to sleep together without having to do the 'cumbersome' things that come with a real relationship. To be fair to the said characters, they only articulated the selfishness and sin smoldering beneath the veneer of a 'respectable' modern society. Of course, as even the characters eventually found out, it turns our that it’s not really freeing at all but rather a deceptive lie that traps people in a cycle of sinful liaisons, one regrettable affair after another. Sure, Joey from friends might be a nice guy but does he have to bag a new lady every other episode? Perhaps the character was being portrayed as having to compensate for other problems. In any case, if we all lived selfish lives like that where would be fidelity, honor and a family with loving parents or children?
Yet, it would seem that such selfish lifestyles are being embraced except for among certain pockets of resistance such as among Mennonites or the Hamish or those evangelical churches that have retained a traditional culture rooted in the faith and religion. If the old prophet Isaiah were alive he would have cried on the streets of New York, London or many of the world's cities that are heavens for a lifestyle of fornication "If God had not left us a remnant we would be like Sodom and even as Gomorrah" (Isa 1:9).
Without any risk of sounding like an alarmist, we can plainly observe the following. We see the fire burning all around us, families are going under, marriages are failing and children are without their mothers and fathers*. Due to the moral relativism that we live in today, we are left to fight our moral failures by confronting insurrections on public television shows like Maury, Cheaters or The Steven Wilcox shows, way after they have become full blown and when only little or nothing can be to save them. These venues have little power to effect change or bring about a solution as no one is able to invoke the divine moral code, The Ten Commandments. How can someone be told that they have sinned when there are no clear defined laws that tell them what sin is? If the foundations be destroyed, what can the righteous do?
It need not be doom and gloom on our side of the fence if we build our homes on a sure foundation and learn to protect and secure what’s ours before we go out to save the rest of the world. This can be done by filtering our culture’s sewage and outlawing and divesting from its forbidden fruits. The Church needs to stand on the scriptures where our immutable God has always been never to budge from His own eternal Word. We need to put the trumpet to our lips and sound the alarm.
Our dangling economy and our dwindling livelihoods are never the main issue; they are a justly deserved judgment on our hedonistic and irreverent lifestyles. The thieves have come in and stolen our whole moral foundation from underneath our feet and we need to get it back. We need to have a spiritual and a scriptural revival accompanied by genuine repentance The main question of life has always been "Now that you know and have heard, what will you do with this Jesus? Will you crucify Him or make Him The lord of your life?"
God’s patience and mercy
“The one with you now is not your husband”(John 4:18)
What would Jesus say? Even though we know Jesus is capable of anger, Jesus' exchange with the Samaritan woman, who was living with a man out of wedlock, was not angry at all. Instead He invites the lady to a drink from the waters of life, but He still calls her (foul?) on the issue. This is yet another illustration of God’s capacity for love, mercy and grace toward us humans. In other words, He lets us know that He doesn’t like what’s going on but gives us time to get it right. We need to repent and make those things that offend (Him) right while The Lord is still disposed to be patient toward us.
It’s apparent from Jesus’ life and words that Our Lord is more tolerant of sexual sin than he is of religious hypocrisy and wicked unbelief in the presence of a clear testimony. This should give hope to all those who are bound to such besting sins that they can be extricated from them through God’s compassionate mercy, patient grace and cleansing power.
Dissent leading to apostasy
There is now a language form on which this dissonant lifestyle moves and evolves. Terms like “no strings” that define behavior have been invented and are becoming common place. The collective language of the people is the software on which it runs its social interactions and be it in a microcosm or in larger sections of society. The fact that language has been invented to describe sexually free lifestyles shows how prevalent it has become and how it’s growing. The dissonance from the ‘old rule laid by the fathers’ is now apparent, a different ethic is being promulgated and social norms are changing where the old understanding of marriage is ever always put on the defensive and new types of marriages are being discussed.
Marriage also has a bad reputation for trapping its adherent’s into an unhappy place for long periods of time. Even if this is at times true, it doesn’t justify the alternative of sinfulness. Acoording to Tv Land, Wives are desperate and need to go outside their home and partner to experience relief. Women do sexual exploits and gather to swap stories about them cajoling and urging each other to go on and live 'free'. One can only guess as to how far ahead or behind the reality is in our communities, from such depictions(and whether these shows are purposed to create their own realities).
If the collective conscience is self correcting it’s either slow in doing so or is losing the battle for a return to moral purity. Large sections of the ‘structural’ church have had terrible scandals and the living church has lost her saltiness to be a moral deterrent. It’s no wonder people are reluctant to marry inside and outside the church.
In the beginning was The Word and The Word was God.
All things were made through him... The Word became flesh
He said… “he who eats my flesh has eternal life...
the flesh profits nothing, the Words that I have spoken to you are spirit and are life (John 1:1,3,14; 6:54, 63)
In contrast to the renegade and sinful lifestyles that don't work, imagine a software to life exists on which we are to run our lives in order to be whole. It has no bugs or glitches. That software is The Word and Jesus is that word. He is much more than just ‘software’; He is the nourishment of life itself. In one of his riddle laden discourses Jesus invites us to eat "himself"!? (which He explained to be His Word) so we can have life. This Word not only explains the world we live in but tells us how to live in it. It gives us the best available council on the important issues of life. We dare not reject it or replace it with empty philosophy or religion as its promise is life itself, a full life the way it was meant to be lived from the beginning.
The End
*Clayton B. Reid, Want to stay Married? Live in North Dakota News Max Mag. April, 2010 p.22
**********************************************
Like what you just read? Why not get a copy of the whole book?
Are you single and lonely? This book will help prepare you for the rough and tumble world of dating and relationships. It's choke full of great wisdom and insights from scripture. You can read the whole book or listen to the Cd at one or two sittings and come away with very helpful, powerful nuggets to help you in your christian walk. While reading these inspirational book you will realize that you need never be lonely or feel lonely. We pray that the same spirit that helped us to write it touches your life also.
This powerful Book is full of scriptures and insights that can and will be helpful to you, a friend or a loved one.
Subjects addressed include RELATIONSHIPS, Loneliness, LOVE, SEX, SINGLENESS, MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, spirituality, intimacy, Loneliness, ASB etc,
A sweeping look at the issue of marriage, singleness, loneliness and the Bible's council on such issues
50 PAGES,
BOOKLET FORMAT AND CD
Tuesday, May 04, 2010
Excerpts: Auto-sexual sin
Auto sexual sins
& Cheating on your future spouse
It’s now part of the common vernacular to speak of metro-sexual, homosexual, bisexual and transsexual persons. How about auto-sexual-ity? This would be having sex with oneself which is commonly known as masturbation. We will try to talk about it in a way that is not embarrassing to readers. It's the one sin* most often associated with being single or alone and (may) be classified among sins called 'uncleanness' or impurity in the New Testament. Uncleanness or impurity (Akatharos in our original Greek scriptures) is another inclusive term that describes all sexual activity that may be classified as impure.
Auto-sexuality is different from other sexual activities in that it acts on itself rather than on others. Subsequently, outside of the church, it has earned the label 'safe' and is seen as the medically and morally benign sexual activity of choice in the post AIDS world. Some have surmised that, we have all done it at some point in our lives presumably more than just a few times. This might be generally true and also seems to be supported by the statistics. This makes it a human frailty or behavior common to many of us. The increase of its employment since the advent of the new technologies has to be considerable as they has multiplied the avenues through which temptation comes to us. Many, Christian and non Christian alike have candidly said that they have participated in, struggled with or fallen into this activity. There is no question that it can be habit forming. Some will go as far us to say how addictive it has become and how they would like to be free from it.
There is a strong association with auto-sexuality and pornography and in fact porn probably owes its existence, continuance and profitability on the demand side to this human frailty and sin. Of course, one of the ways to curb this behavior is marriage and The Bible recommends it saying, “Because of 'porneas' ...It’s better to marry than to burn”. In the absence of a marriage bed, some will inevitably take matters into their own hands and use auto sexual activity as an outlet. Pastor Mark Driscoll of Seattle's Mar's Hill church gets into bold, extensive and graphic discussions about ASB both inside and outside of marriage. We have rather employed a cautious, modest and scriptural approach to this issue. However, we want to point out that our view is certainly not the only one out there and it might be good to comapare what we are saying with other writers and teachers on the subject.
Is The Devil in it? If he is, It must not be good!
Society has increasingly become tolerant of nearly all forms of sin. It must be this 'frog in slow boiling water' effect happening around us but some people including ministers have questioned whether auto sexual behavior (ASB) should be classed as a sin or even if there is anything wrong with it. We will not presume to speak this way here, especially since many people's conscience tells them otherwise and their confession bears out to it being detestable to themselves. The Bible clearly teaches that if our conscience condemns us about something and if it's not of faith then it must be sin (Romans 14:23). Therefore, we weigh in on the side that says, It is a selfish, lustful, unbecoming act and therefore should be judged as wrong. We say this not to condemn but in order edify and clear the way for godly alternatives.
Of the many contrary bible based arguments against ASB, we will give a few here. Firstly, It's an act usually accompanied by picturing and lusting after an image of someone who is not a spouse. This means that when we engage in ASB, we are committing fornications and adulteries in our heart and mind without leaving the comfort of our abode. Undoubtedly, sexual sin can progress from something as benign looking as lingering on the pages of circulars with underwear models to something a lot worse. Similarly, ASB can also turn into a bondage and become a stepping stone to more and even worse misadventures.
Secondly, if one regularly uses ASB as an outlet, the need for seeking a spouse is much lessened or becomes non existent. As sex was intended to be a shared experience, the loneliness of auto-sexuality can be detrimental to becoming a happy wholesome individual. One might as well sign on a paper that says 'lonely for life'. If we can turn on and turn off ourselves, why would we need to seek a spouse? Thirdly, it is hardly conducive to the biblical idea of cultivating a thought life that is pure and chaste and is in fact an antithesis to it. We fail to see how those who defend ASB can call it pure (Katharos in Greek). We therefore conclude from these and other scriptural arguments that, although it may not seem immediately grievous or harmful as some other sins in its effect, it's a sin nevertheless, something a holy people shouldn't perpetuate.
For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness"(I Thessa. 4:7)
But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Ephesians 5:3
A course of action
Based on the same scriptures we council instead that we all strive for a high standard of purity and holiness in the sight of God while we are single. Those who 'burn' let them seek to marry as there is no sin in that. If desire cannot be projected at a spouse it's lust. Our imagination needs to outlaw lust and be exercised to a higher, purer thought life which is our christian ideal (Phillipians 4:8; Romans 6:10-20). This is not just puritan idealism; it's a real, sound Biblical strategy and course of action for the many who earnestly desire holiness and don't want to be overcome by lustful thoughts. Failure is probable and inevitable at times because of our sin nature and our environment but we can improve and grow toward having a pure thought life, one which is abounding with transparent prayer(confession, petition, intercession and intimacy) with God's help. One of the precious promises of the gospel is to eventually come to a place of overcoming temptation in all its forms the way our lord Jesus did.
The christian answer to sin is neither too sanitary to be ignorant of our struggles with our sexuality nor is it un-wholesomely permissive. It rather strives to stay on the narrow road attended by prayer and holiness on either side while basking in the grace and mercy of The Lord. If any slippage occurs the way back on this happy road is always confession and genuine repentance which The Lord gladly and lovingly accepts.
Thank The Lord, He doesn't put us in front of a firing squad every time we fail because some of us would have died hundreds of times. The compassions of our lord and His grace are such that not only is He merciful to us but He also understands the temptations we are put under especially in today's world. He is there to help and empower us always and give us grace when we need it. Paul’s candid talk in chapter seven of Romans applies perfectly to this activity even if he was not directly speaking to just this issue.
19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 21 I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22 For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23 but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death ? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord ! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.(Romans 7)
*Sin is defined as breaking God's laws or being disobedient to His precepts. There may not be direct references to ASB in scripture just as there is none for smoking or certain types of drug use. We believe and argue that it fits in and can be classed with references having to do with sexual impurity or uncleanness.
Like what you just read? Why not get a copy of the whole book?
Are you single and lonely? This book will help prepare you for the rough and tumble world of dating and relationships. It's choke full of great wisdom and insights from scripture. You can read the whole book or listen to the Cd at one or two sittings and come away with very helpful, poweful nuggets to help you in your christian walk. While reading these inspirational book you will realize that you need never be lonely or feel lonely. We pray that the same anointing that hepled us to write it will touch your life in a special way also.
This poweful Book is full of scriptures and insights that can and will be helpful to you, a friend or a loved one.
Subjects addressed include RELATIONSHIPS, Loneliness, LOVE, SEX, SINGLENESS, MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, spirituality, intimacy, Lonliness, ASB etc,
A sweeping look at the issue of marriage, singleness, lonliness and the Bible's council on such issues
50 PAGES,
BOOKLET FORMAT AND CD
You can buy a hard copy of the complete blog 'Never Lonely' and an audio book CD using the paypal button bellow.
Monday, May 03, 2010
How to be saved from sin
Those who belong to Christ Jesus have crucified the sinful nature with its passions and desires. Galatians 5:24
Are You Saved? From what, you ask? Let me tell you.
If you have not had the privilege of knowing that you are saved from sin; we would like to give you an opportunity to do so here.
believe
Understanding what we say in our articles depends on this one terribly vital truth. This is that you can be saved by trusting "He whom God sent"our messiah Jesus. It's that simple; put your trust in him and follow Him and His Word for the rest of your life and You will be saved, so the bible teaches. "Believe upon The Lord Jesus Christ and you shall be saved; you and your family."
Repent
"Repent, and each of you be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ for the forgiveness of your sins ; and you will receive the gift of the Holy Spirit"
NIV Acts 2:38
You will need to repent of the sins in your life and forgive people. You may have to make restitution to those whom you have wronged. The blood of Jesus will then cleanse you from all past and future sins and is able to give you a good conscience with confidence to approach your God(1 John 1:4-10 ; Hebrews 10:19-22) You are also promised to receive the gift of The Holy Spirit. He will come and live in your heart and home.
Obey the gospel
The mini Gospel bellow found in the Book of Titus contains all of the main elements of Gods offer of salvation to fallen mankind,
11 For the grace of God that bringeth salvation hath appeared to all men, 12 Teaching us that, denying ungodliness and worldly lusts, we should live soberly , righteously, and godly, in this present world; 13 Looking for that blessed hope, and the glorious appearing of the great God and our Saviour Jesus Christ; 14 Who gave himself for us, that he might redeem us from all iniquity, and purify unto himself a peculiar people, zealous of good works. Titus 2: 11-15
Jesus :The God-man
"There is no other name under heaven by which we must be saved" (Acts 4:12). Our lord Jesus Christ, the only GOD-MAN(theo-anthropos) is by his unique nature, the only person capable of standing in our stead and on our behalf in order to reconcile us to the side of God that is holy, righteous and just. That is the reason for his exclusivity as a saving and mediating agent not bigotry or narrow mindedness on the part of his followers. He is the only way by which God has designed for men and women to know him, be free from sin and be ready for the life to come.
Excerpts: Open letter to those facing divorce
"For I hate divorce," says the LORD, the God of Israel, "and him who covers his garment with wrong," says the LORD of hosts. "So take heed to your spirit, that you do not deal treacherously. Malachi 2:16"
Open Letter: To Those Facing Divorce
According to scripture, divorce is one of the dire effects of the fall of man, the emergence of sin and a heart condition which Jesus called "the hardness of our hearts". The single state is the only viable scriptural option for one during this time of brokenness, separation and the related anxieties. It allows for the time and process to heal from the pain of the divorce and to get in gear in order to be able to lead a full and fruitful life in its aftermath. In such a time one should draw near to The Lord so one can find healing and strength.
It should be a reason for great hope that "with God, all things are possible" including restoration of a broken marriage and the changing of the hearts of the individuals involved. The above quote by Jesus was spoken in reference to securing a deliverance in an impossible situation and we dare say it can apply here also. Just like the father in Luke's gospel waited for the lost son to come to his senses and return home one can hope and pray for the return of one's spouse. We are not told how long the father had to wait before being able to embrace his son; it may have been a year, two or even six years before the son returned. This may sound ridiculous by today's standards but it can give one time to heal, reflect and wait until clarity comes. Its a sad reality but one has to also prepare oneself to accept the finality of their separation especially if the other party goes ahead and gets married.
Having a forgiving heart will be always paramount in these situations regardless of the outcome so one can move forward especially when children are involved. One can then begin to pray for and anticipate whatever designs and purposes The Lord may have for them. It's no surprise then that the standards set for us by scriptures are very high when it come to marriage and divorce, as the family is the cell unit of a community or a nation. The well being of oneself and one's children, love and peace in the home, all depend in large part on God's laws concerning marriage being honored and remaining the community standard. We are responsible not only ourselves but for our neighbors' also. This is the heart of The Law of God.
People on the brink of divorce should reflect and identify what behaviors and attitudes led to a rift during the marriage and ask God to effect change in them and their spouse. Were there things like infidelity, jealousy, malice or being too controlling with each other? Prayers and supplications should be made for change and healing concerning any known issues. There is bound to be plenty of hard work, sweat and blood but couples should consider it to be their sacred duty and a worthwhile sacrifice, made in order to save their marriage. Even in a sin tattered world, if there is love and if contentious spirits can be put aside, there is no doubt marriages can be saved; for the very Almighty himself is for them, not against them! Even though it may be unrealistic to guarantee that an agreement between fighting spouses will be reached every time on every issue; God has promised to come in their midst and grant their prayers when they do decide to agree. This is a tremendous promise! Both the man and the woman should try to save their marriage by making the right concessions, compromises and by working toward changing their behavior and attitude which brought them near to a break up.31 Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. 32 Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.Ephesians 4:31-32
Kindness and tenderness should replace harsh words and unkind remarks. Both sides should tender some compromise on contentious issues and try to find a workable middle ground. Couples need to remind themselves that It's God who gave them oneness of spirit and body (Malachi 2:16). Since God was part to their original agreement and since we know He hates divorce, we can safely assume that He will not agree to their divorce even if one or even both of them wish it or want it. The devil on the other hand wants to destroy marriages so people need to be aware of the spiritual aspects of the predicament they will find themselves in if they don't tread carefully and prayerfully. God can't make two people agree; they have to do that themselves, but if and when they do heaven will become part of the equation and solution to their problems. Subsequently couples in trouble should pray together for the renewal of their covenant. They should also agree to commit to work on their issues together and begin with a fresh new start by forgiving each other of past hurts. People who feel their marriage is going stale should do whatever it takes to keep it fresh and alive so things do not deteriorate for them through neglect.
Patience required
The golden oil of heaven
"Love is patient"
Last and yet not least, Most escalations of a couple's conflict has to do with their capacity to tolerate each others imperfections. Therefore the strength of the marriage is based on the amount of patience they are able to foster towards each other. We need to always pray to be able to better exercise patience and practice 'her' sister virtues in our daily interactions. It's one of the attributes of our Lord that He is patient towards us and it's also one of the premiere godly attributes necessary for couples. Patience is the golden oil for all relationships which keeps their wheels from locking, helping them to run smoothly. It is an important ingredient that gives room for one's better half to grow. Where this attribute is practiced liberally couples can cultivate their weaknesses and turn them into strengths thereby allowing themselves to be a good mate for each other. .
Like what you just read? Why not get a copy of the whole book?
Are you single and lonely? This book will help prepare you for the rough and tumble world of dating and relationships. It's choke full of great wisdom and insights from scripture. You can read the whole book or listen to the Cd at one or two sittings and come away with very helpful, poweful nuggets to help you in your christian walk. While reading these inspirational book yoy will realize that you need never be lonely or feel lonely.
This poweful Book is full of scriptures and insights that can and will be helpful to you, a friend or a loved one.
Subjects addressed include RELATIONSHIPS, Loneliness, LOVE, SEX, SINGLENESS, MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, spirituality, intimacy, Lonliness, ASB etc,
A sweeping look at the issue of marriage, singleness, lonliness and the Bible's council on such issues
50 PAGES,
BOOKLET FORMAT AND CD
Sunday, May 02, 2010
Introduction to Never Lonely
Prologue: The article bellow was not written on a whim but was born out of decades of struggles with these issues, numerous searches for love and fulfillment on and off-line and many failures, rejection and brushes with the darkness before reaching illumination. Therein lies, we hope, it potency as an antidote along with exposition of some carefully chosen relevant biblical passages and the fact the The Holy Spirit helped and inspired us to write it! Many of its lines and phrases came to us while on our knees in prayer. However, we still ask that you do your own studies and searches to see if it be so. We hope, these truths will set someone free and help to heal them.
We have tried to bring a fresh look into some of these issues so that hopefully, it won't be redundant for you if you have recently read a book or heard a sermon on singleness and marriage. To those who may not have studied these issues and who seek a guide we hope this will be a good starting place for you.
Please Note that the essay bellow are bound to be continually edited We will append additional complimentary insights from time to time.// There is also bound to be not a few edits and rewrites in order to improve clarity and remove ambiguities that may arise. Its a book in the process of being written.
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Introduction: "I need love right away!"
A recent Ad from a lady on a popular website read. "I have been keeping myself for several years believing God would send me a husband but now I am tired of waiting. I would like to have a man in my life right away. Are you that man?"
Somewhat startling as this Ad may be, its not uncommon and it illustrates the struggles many believers have with respect to the issues of marriage, relationship and being single. Many people, including those who are Christians, are trying to find their kindred spirit through the Internet, hoping to stumble upon love . The frustrations people experience in these areas are numerous. We will try to plug a few holes, bring to light certain issues and try to uncover truths that have remained hidden for various reasons.
Because these issues can be a puzzling conundrum to those of us who have found happiness in this area to be illusory, we have tried to demystify this issues and have outlined bellow, the pieces of the puzzle that involve, marriage, singleness and spirituality. This article is designed to be helpful for all 'saved' singles and especially to those who are in their late thirties or forties who want or need some insight in this area.
We realize that younger people have a different dynamic and understanding when it comes to these issues and we will leave that discussion to other younger writers, although a lot of the things mentioned bellow can apply to all. Nevertheless, we are pointing our pen mainly at older singles whose passions we assume have ebbed a little or at least have been tempered and to whom 'burning in love' is not their main problem or motivation.
We trust that if you are young and stumble upon these words you shall find nuggets of wisdom that can enrich your understanding; so we encourage you to read also.
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There shall never be loneliness
When temptation becomes overwhelming
or the loneliness hard to bear
It should drive us to our knees
Into our Lord's arms who cares
Where He attends to our cries
and helps us to bear
Sin's violent thrashings
And with our heart's thirst quenched
we come away singing and rejoicing
full to the brim, belching mysteries
of a world to be birthed soon
and looking to it's glorious rise
where there shall never be loneliness
But every Joy and happiness
sighing and longing
We wait to enter her gates
This New Jerusalem
where the righteous dwell
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Like what you just read? Why not get a copy of the whole book?
Are you single and lonely? This book will help prepare you for the rough and tumble world of dating and relationships. It's choke full of great wisdom and insights from scripture. You can read the whole book or listen to the Cd at one or two sittings and come away with very helpful, poweful nuggets to help you in your christian walk. While reading these inspirational book you will realize that you need never be lonely or feel lonely. We pray the same anointing that helped us to write it will flow and touch your life.
This poweful Book is full of scriptures and insights that can and will be helpful to you, a friend or a loved one.
Subjects addressed include RELATIONSHIPS, Loneliness, LOVE, SEX, SINGLENESS, MARRIAGE, DIVORCE, spirituality, intimacy, Lonliness, ASB etc,
A sweeping look at the issue of marriage, singleness, lonliness and the Bible's council on such issues
50 PAGES,
BOOKLET FORMAT AND CD
Ch 0. Marriage and The Single State
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Marriage and the single state
"Better to marry than to burn"
Preliminary Considerations
The problem: Sexual sins and the bible's solution, marriage
Let's start with the problem called sexual sin. In verse 2 in the above portion, the Greek word 'Porneas' (translated above as immoralities) is used in the plural to indicate any and all abuses and misuses that can occur with our innate sexuality. The word is a junk drawer term used to indicate all the different sexual sins known to man. (Think, fornication or sex outside of marriage, adultery, rape, incest, perversions, orgies, homosexuality, bestiality porn,..., etc; the types of sins can vary as much as there are people.) Marriage is therefore, the Bible's, one of two, holy and sanctified alternatives, given to man to curb these manifestations. The other alternative is that of the single calling or choice which is to remain single maintaining purity from all such activities that may be 'Porneas'. This latter choice may not be easy to live out in today's 'naked media' cultures and societies; it can nevertheless be a worthwhile biblical strategy for some.
Auto sexual sins
It’s now part of the common vernacular to speak of metro-sexual, homosexual, bisexual and transsexual persons. How about auto-sexual-ity? This would be having sex with oneself which is commonly known as masturbation. It's the one sin most often associated with being single or alone and (may) be classified among sins called 'uncleanness' or impurity in the New Testament. Uncleanness or impurity (Akatharos in our original Greek scriptures) is another inclusive term that describes all sexual activity that may be classified as impure.
Auto-sexuality is different from other sexual activities in that it acts on itself rather than on others. Subsequently, outside of the church, in the post aids world it has earned the label 'safe' and is seen as the medically and morally benign, sexual activity of choice. Some have surmised that, we have all done it at some point in our lives presumably more than just a few times. This might be generally true and also seems to be supported by the statistics. This makes it a human frailty or behavior common to many of us. The increase of its employment since the advent of the new technologies due to online porn is incalculable but has to be estimated to be huge. Many, Christian and non Christian alike have candidly said that they have participated in, struggled with or fallen into this activity. There is no question that it can be habit forming. Some will go as far us to say how addictive it has become and how they would like to be free from it. There is a strong association with auto-sexuality and pornography and in fact porn probably owes its existence, continuance and profitability on the demand side to this human frailty and sin.
Of course, as stated before, one of the ways to curb this behavior is marriage and The Bible recommends it saying, “Because of 'porneas'....It’s better to marry than to burn”. In the absence of a marriage bed, some will inevitably take matters into their own hands and use auto sexual activity as an outlet.
Is The Devil in it? If he is, It must not be good!
Society has increasingly become tolerant of nearly all forms of sin. It must be this 'frog in slow boiling water' effect happening around us but some people including ministers have questioned whether auto sexual behavior (ASB) should be classed as a sin or even if there is anything wrong with it. We will not presume to speak this way here, especially since many people's conscience tells them otherwise and their confession bears out to it being detestable to themselves. The Bible clearly teaches that if our conscience condemns us about something and if it's not of faith then it must be sin(Romans 14:23). Therefore, we weigh in on the side that says, It is a selfish, lustful, unbecoming act and therefore should be judged as wrong. We say this not to condemn but in order edify and clear the way for godly alternatives.
Of the many contrary bible based arguments against ASB, we will give a few here. Firstly, It's an act usually accompanied by picturing and lusting after an image of someone who is not a spouse. This means that when we engage in ASB, we are committing fornications and adulteries in our heart and mind without leaving the comfort of our abode. Undoubtedly, sexual sin can progress from something as benign looking as lingering on the pages of circulars with underwear modelsto something a lot worse. Similarly, ASB can also turn into a bondage and become a stepping stone to more and even worse misadventures.
Secondly, if one regularly uses ASB as an outlet, the need for seeking a spouse is much lessened or becomes non existent. As sex was intended to be a shared experience, the loneliness of auto-sexuality can be detrimental to becoming a happy wholesome individual. One might as well sign on a paper that says 'lonely for life'. If we can turn on and turn off ourselves why would we need people? Thirdly, it is hardly conducive to the biblical idea of cultivating a thought life that is pure and chaste and is in fact an antithesis to it. We fail to see how those who defend it can call it pure(Katharos in Greek). We therefore conclude from these and other scriptural arguments that, although it may not seem immediately grievous or harmful as some other sins in its effect, it's a sin nevertheless, something a holy people shouldn't perpetuate.
A course of action
Based on the same scriptures we council instead that we all strive for a high standard of purity and holiness in the sight of God while we are single. Those who 'burn' let them seek to marry as there is no sin in that. If desire cannot be projected at a spouse it's lust. Our imagination needs to outlaw lust and be exercised to a higher, purer thought life which is our christian ideal. This is not just puritan idealism; it's a real, sound Biblical strategy and course of action for the many who earnestly desire holiness and don't want to be overcome by lustful thoughts. Failure is probable and inevitable at times because of our sin nature and our environment but we can improve and grow toward having a pure thought life, one which is abounding with transparent prayer(confession, petition, intercession and intimacy) with God's help. One of the precious promises of the gospel is to eventually come to a place of overcoming temptation in all its forms the way our lord Jesus did.
The christian answer to sin is neither too sanitary to be ignorant of our struggles with our sexuality nor is it un-wholesomely permissive. It rather strives to stay on the narrow road attended by prayer and holiness on either side while basking in the grace and mercy of The Lord. If any slippage occurs the way back on this happy road is always confession and genuine repentance which The Lord gladly and lovingly accepts.
Thank The Lord, He doesn't put us in front of a firing squad every time we fail because some of us would have died hundreds of times. The compassions of our lord and His grace are such that not only is He merciful to us but He also understands the temptations we are put under especially in today's world. He is there to help and empower us always and give us grace when we need it. Paul’s candid talk in chapter seven of Romans applies perfectly to this activity even if he was not directly speaking to just this issue.
Self Control and The single state
As most christian singles will have found out, the same type of discipline and grace required not to lust after someone and overcome the various 'porneas' is what is also required to remain single and holy for a season, seasons or even longer periods of one's life. The permanent single state must therefore be a prolonged state of what most singles have already experienced or are experiencing in their daily walk and struggle to live right before their maker. We need not be scared of it. It must also have been attended by deeper conviction to put aside one's self for the purposes of The Kingdom exclusively and permanently. Even then, it must be something that has to be taken and weighed each day, trusting God to keep one strong. No religious vows are necessary. Some of us might have felt such a deeper call for separation, prayer and seeking the heart of God.
Our Uniqueness
Paul does speak of his being single as a unique gift but he also speaks of having the right to marry(like other apostles) which he willingly laid down. On the other hand, his apostolic requirement for church leaders was that they should be married to one wife. Each christian is unique and will have a unique call, development and ministry so Paul says above, "..each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that"
A lot of single people's unhappiness has to do with internal and external pressures put on them to be in a relationship no matter what their circumstances are. As we shall see from scripture, this is neither right nor good as it does not always hold true that we all should be married. This means that you may not have to go by the advice of your relative from Pekipsi, who occasionally likes to put on the mantel of 'Tzeitel' the matchmaker.
We will come back to this but let's digress to another important truth!
Marriage and the single state
"Better to marry than to burn"
2. But because of immoralities, each man is to have his own wife, and each woman is to have her own husband.. I Corinthians ch. 7 and verse 2, 7-9.
7 Yet I wish that all men were even as I myself am. However, each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that. 8 But I say to the unmarried and to widows that it is good for them if they remain even as I. 9 But if they do not have self-control, let them marry ; for it is better to marry than to burn with passion
Preliminary Considerations
The problem: Sexual sins and the bible's solution, marriage
Let's start with the problem called sexual sin. In verse 2 in the above portion, the Greek word 'Porneas' (translated above as immoralities) is used in the plural to indicate any and all abuses and misuses that can occur with our innate sexuality. The word is a junk drawer term used to indicate all the different sexual sins known to man. (Think, fornication or sex outside of marriage, adultery, rape, incest, perversions, orgies, homosexuality, bestiality porn,..., etc; the types of sins can vary as much as there are people.) Marriage is therefore, the Bible's, one of two, holy and sanctified alternatives, given to man to curb these manifestations. The other alternative is that of the single calling or choice which is to remain single maintaining purity from all such activities that may be 'Porneas'. This latter choice may not be easy to live out in today's 'naked media' cultures and societies; it can nevertheless be a worthwhile biblical strategy for some.
Auto sexual sins
It’s now part of the common vernacular to speak of metro-sexual, homosexual, bisexual and transsexual persons. How about auto-sexual-ity? This would be having sex with oneself which is commonly known as masturbation. It's the one sin most often associated with being single or alone and (may) be classified among sins called 'uncleanness' or impurity in the New Testament. Uncleanness or impurity (Akatharos in our original Greek scriptures) is another inclusive term that describes all sexual activity that may be classified as impure.
Auto-sexuality is different from other sexual activities in that it acts on itself rather than on others. Subsequently, outside of the church, in the post aids world it has earned the label 'safe' and is seen as the medically and morally benign, sexual activity of choice. Some have surmised that, we have all done it at some point in our lives presumably more than just a few times. This might be generally true and also seems to be supported by the statistics. This makes it a human frailty or behavior common to many of us. The increase of its employment since the advent of the new technologies due to online porn is incalculable but has to be estimated to be huge. Many, Christian and non Christian alike have candidly said that they have participated in, struggled with or fallen into this activity. There is no question that it can be habit forming. Some will go as far us to say how addictive it has become and how they would like to be free from it. There is a strong association with auto-sexuality and pornography and in fact porn probably owes its existence, continuance and profitability on the demand side to this human frailty and sin.
Of course, as stated before, one of the ways to curb this behavior is marriage and The Bible recommends it saying, “Because of 'porneas'....It’s better to marry than to burn”. In the absence of a marriage bed, some will inevitably take matters into their own hands and use auto sexual activity as an outlet.
Is The Devil in it? If he is, It must not be good!
Society has increasingly become tolerant of nearly all forms of sin. It must be this 'frog in slow boiling water' effect happening around us but some people including ministers have questioned whether auto sexual behavior (ASB) should be classed as a sin or even if there is anything wrong with it. We will not presume to speak this way here, especially since many people's conscience tells them otherwise and their confession bears out to it being detestable to themselves. The Bible clearly teaches that if our conscience condemns us about something and if it's not of faith then it must be sin(Romans 14:23). Therefore, we weigh in on the side that says, It is a selfish, lustful, unbecoming act and therefore should be judged as wrong. We say this not to condemn but in order edify and clear the way for godly alternatives.
Of the many contrary bible based arguments against ASB, we will give a few here. Firstly, It's an act usually accompanied by picturing and lusting after an image of someone who is not a spouse. This means that when we engage in ASB, we are committing fornications and adulteries in our heart and mind without leaving the comfort of our abode. Undoubtedly, sexual sin can progress from something as benign looking as lingering on the pages of circulars with underwear modelsto something a lot worse. Similarly, ASB can also turn into a bondage and become a stepping stone to more and even worse misadventures.
Secondly, if one regularly uses ASB as an outlet, the need for seeking a spouse is much lessened or becomes non existent. As sex was intended to be a shared experience, the loneliness of auto-sexuality can be detrimental to becoming a happy wholesome individual. One might as well sign on a paper that says 'lonely for life'. If we can turn on and turn off ourselves why would we need people? Thirdly, it is hardly conducive to the biblical idea of cultivating a thought life that is pure and chaste and is in fact an antithesis to it. We fail to see how those who defend it can call it pure(Katharos in Greek). We therefore conclude from these and other scriptural arguments that, although it may not seem immediately grievous or harmful as some other sins in its effect, it's a sin nevertheless, something a holy people shouldn't perpetuate.
For God hath not called us unto uncleanness, but unto holiness"(I Thessa. 4:7)
But fornication, and all uncleanness, or covetousness, let it not be once named among you, as becometh saints; Ephesians 5:3
A course of action
Based on the same scriptures we council instead that we all strive for a high standard of purity and holiness in the sight of God while we are single. Those who 'burn' let them seek to marry as there is no sin in that. If desire cannot be projected at a spouse it's lust. Our imagination needs to outlaw lust and be exercised to a higher, purer thought life which is our christian ideal. This is not just puritan idealism; it's a real, sound Biblical strategy and course of action for the many who earnestly desire holiness and don't want to be overcome by lustful thoughts. Failure is probable and inevitable at times because of our sin nature and our environment but we can improve and grow toward having a pure thought life, one which is abounding with transparent prayer(confession, petition, intercession and intimacy) with God's help. One of the precious promises of the gospel is to eventually come to a place of overcoming temptation in all its forms the way our lord Jesus did.
The christian answer to sin is neither too sanitary to be ignorant of our struggles with our sexuality nor is it un-wholesomely permissive. It rather strives to stay on the narrow road attended by prayer and holiness on either side while basking in the grace and mercy of The Lord. If any slippage occurs the way back on this happy road is always confession and genuine repentance which The Lord gladly and lovingly accepts.
Thank The Lord, He doesn't put us in front of a firing squad every time we fail because some of us would have died hundreds of times. The compassions of our lord and His grace are such that not only is He merciful to us but He also understands the temptations we are put under especially in today's world. He is there to help and empower us always and give us grace when we need it. Paul’s candid talk in chapter seven of Romans applies perfectly to this activity even if he was not directly speaking to just this issue.
19 For the good that I want, I do not do, but I practice the very evil that I do not want. 20 But if I am doing the very thing I do not want, I am no longer the one doing it, but sin which dwells in me. 21 I find then the principle that evil is present in me, the one who wants to do good. 22 For I joyfully concur with the law of God in the inner man, 23 but I see a different law in the members of my body, waging war against the law of my mind and making me a prisoner of the law of sin which is in my members. 24 Wretched man that I am! Who will set me free from the body of this death ? 25 Thanks be to God through Jesus Christ our Lord ! So then, on the one hand I myself with my mind am serving the law of God, but on the other, with my flesh the law of sin.(Romans 7)
Self Control and The single state
As most christian singles will have found out, the same type of discipline and grace required not to lust after someone and overcome the various 'porneas' is what is also required to remain single and holy for a season, seasons or even longer periods of one's life. The permanent single state must therefore be a prolonged state of what most singles have already experienced or are experiencing in their daily walk and struggle to live right before their maker. We need not be scared of it. It must also have been attended by deeper conviction to put aside one's self for the purposes of The Kingdom exclusively and permanently. Even then, it must be something that has to be taken and weighed each day, trusting God to keep one strong. No religious vows are necessary. Some of us might have felt such a deeper call for separation, prayer and seeking the heart of God.
Our Uniqueness
Paul does speak of his being single as a unique gift but he also speaks of having the right to marry(like other apostles) which he willingly laid down. On the other hand, his apostolic requirement for church leaders was that they should be married to one wife. Each christian is unique and will have a unique call, development and ministry so Paul says above, "..each man has his own gift from God, one in this manner, and another in that"
A lot of single people's unhappiness has to do with internal and external pressures put on them to be in a relationship no matter what their circumstances are. As we shall see from scripture, this is neither right nor good as it does not always hold true that we all should be married. This means that you may not have to go by the advice of your relative from Pekipsi, who occasionally likes to put on the mantel of 'Tzeitel' the matchmaker.
We will come back to this but let's digress to another important truth!
Ch 1. We are Never Alone
Never Alone
Intimacy with Christ
We can all surely understand people’s need for a mate. We pray God give those of you praying and asking for a mate, the desires of your heart and bless you with someone that can fulfill you and make you happy! Until then, think of prayer time as a 'romantic outing' or having a barbecue or drinking coffee at Starbucks with Jesus. That way, one never feels alone or lonely. Christ is always available to hear us, talk to us and sup with us. The intimacy we cultivate with The Lord will enrich all aspects of our life and will also help us in our search to find the right companion if and when we are so inclined. Our adoption into God’s family means that we are literally yoked in service with many wonderful Christian brothers and sisters so we should never feel lonely. The nature of our relationship with the Lord is such that it should grow to where the worldly concept of loneliness should no longer touch us or cause us to be in pain or sadness. We need not conform ourselves to the ways of the world. The Lord will become our unfailing joy in all matters and situation. As Paul said, “Nothing can separate us” from His Love.
The valley of decisions
We have come to the conclusion that because attitudes regarding marriage are lax while God's law is not( check Luke 16:17-18 above) that it is absolutely essential for a Christian to be led by the Holy Spirit in this area. By that, we mean let The Holy Spirit give you the name, photograph and GPS location of the person you are supposed to marry. (We say that in humor, but you get the point!) We really only have one chance in a lifetime to get it right and 'get the gold', so we should pull on all our resources and give it all we can, before arriving at a final decision. Pray, study and learn as much as you can about, 'prospective' friends; you are bound to encounter some diamonds in the rough, some sheep and yes, some wolves and a few in-between.
Such vigilance should hold especially true for those of us forty-somethings who are looking for another chance at marital bliss, who have made some attempt before which failed or those who had somehow forgone the 'joy' of the whole experience altogether. We might rather have to 'tunnel upward' in spiritual thirst and hunger for the prize of the high calling of God and be less concerned about being with a mate(even if only for a season). Lost in the heart of the master means being more concerned about making spiritual impact in a needy world while in a deep, close relationship with him. Even if that is all we will have here in this life, it would have been worth it! It is better than succumbing to a bad, mediocre relationship or (worse) an unhappy and destructive one. (for those gambling on a compromise, "Don't!").
If God gives us both(companionship and anointing) then blessed be. Some people have that double joy of being with their true life-partner and serving the master effectively, but the reality is a lot of people don't and some just gamble on someone and lose out on both ends, spiritual and marital.
Seeking The Jewel of Heaven
& the desire of nations
We should want to make sure that we know Christ and The power of His resurrection and count all else as rubbish like the apostle says. This often means putting our own wants and desires on the cross and suffering loss of life to gain His abundant life, which is more than a fair exchange. We might be wrongly perceived as "playing for the other team" (to use a reference from an episode of Seinfeld) or made to feel sex-less in a sin crazed world. This is one other cross to bear in this adventure where we are bidden to scale higher spiritual altitudes and hitherto unexplored peaks. Imagine the power of a testimony that says "I strive to live pure in a corrupt world and Christ helps and forgives me in my infirm seasons." So we should never give up on holiness, no matter what the temptation or the barrage of lies we face( Hebrews 12:14, I Thess. 4:2-8). We know the wisdom of our choices will be apparent to our Lord who rewards us. If we have Christ in his fullness in this life then we have the greatest part as all things that seem important pale besides Him. As the old Hymn states so beautifully " The things of this world will grow strangely dim."
You can buy a hard copy of the complete blog 'Never Lonely' together with the audio book Cd.
Ch 2. Seeking Companionship
Seek and you will find
Looking for Love
We hope what we said so far makes sense to some of you and that it encourages you to seek to know Christ more in the short time that is left. There are plenty of other writes are who are better placed and more qualified to write about courtship and the mechanics of searching for a mate. Please feel free to consult these sources where ours seems deficient, skewed or unrealistic. This book is mostly about the important and yet often wanting spiritual, biblical, theological and philosophical ideals regarding marriage and singleness. However, before we establish those we want to touch on some of the realities and the practical aspects of searching for a mate. While we have the workings of a particular culture in mind, we might not do justice to the dynamics of interactions in your corner of the universe. Please feel free to use your own imagination to fill in the details where our descriptions seem to be lacking.
Jesus said of the single calling “not everyone can receive it" so it’s not for everyone. Of course, if one finds their true friend and partner, it’s a wonderful thing and they should consummate a marriage. However, not all of us will find it easy to find a mate in our modern, irreverent, sin and self worshiping world. Christians might find their way of life to be a rarity even as they themselves are. A significant portion of the pool of christian 'single' people over their late thirties would have gone through one or more relationships, some of whom may still be binding according to scripture. In addition, to make matters more complicated, each individual is bound to have various social, medical, psychological and economical issues that need to be worked out before reaching a cleared flag to marry.
Searching for friends in the internet age
Some of us are pining for someone to set us up. Where is Tzeitel* when you need her? Today, we have thousands of computer servers and their webmasters doing her services. This has brought millions of people together so they can try to make a connection. This is an incredible advancement but as we find out soon enough it can be deceptive. We have all logged on, created a profile and waited until "we got mail". Some of us are still waiting! While it has increased our possibilities it may make us overlook what is close to us and in front of us "This lady from Scandinavia has a great testimony,... that African guy is an upstanding member of society" etc etc. The Logistics can be a nightmare and the information can be endless; it's also very easy for people to misrepresent themselves for comic or more ominously for nefarious reasons. While the number of choices for friendships may be unlimited the task of vetting for a single choice is virtually impossible. Good or bad, internet dating has become a popular way of life for today's tech-savvy generation and has become part of many people's calculations when it comes to searching for a mate. It has given an option to people who cannot meet people in the conventional ways or who may find that they are too tied up with work not to be able to socialize.However, it still remains true, that there is no better place for us than the local church, where to foster friendships, know about each other’s character, testimony and worship-life. .
Desirability and attraction
Looks are the reason why Mathilda married way before her brighter friend Jennifer leaving Jennie a little sad and at the same time struggling to be happy for her friend. Its just a general fact of life that those with genes for good looks or with better social status and wealth will advance to the finals sooner in the game of love. Some of us might like to marry persons created in the image of Ken and Barbie who are also super-spiritual. But we will find that there aren't enough to go around and that they are usually all taken by others who are from similar gene pools. Some of us are late bloomers and only catch up to our rich or statuesque peers later in life.
There is however no need for anxiety as God is not a respecter of persons(Or In the original language no respecter of 'faces'). He has a way of compensating the plain or average among us the way he compensated the attention starved Leah over her beautiful sister Rachel by making her womb fertile (Genesis ch. 29:31). In many instances in scripture, God is seen to be present among His people as an equalizer, giving favor to those who are seemingly left behind. Those who are first are seen ending up being last and vice-versa. Jesus himself was despised and rejected many times; He was considered uneducated, rough and may not have been that good looking! Paul was maligned in the same manner. God often chooses the weak, beggarly and 'non-beautiful' of the world for himself(1 Cor. 2:28-29). We should take courage that where we start in life may not matter if God is working in our lives, for He is able to take us to greater heights than what we have known.
Because appearances play a role in courtship, a small mention needs to be made of what we find attractive and desirable in one another. Desirability, often connected with looks and considered to be mainly visual, also includes things like intellect, personality and spirituality, but ultimately is only known to the mysterious chooser hidden deep within the seeker's psyche (mind). The Holy Spirit's influence can't be discounted here but we will limit ourselves to the human side of attraction for now. Some people's chooser is quite fickle and rejects people for small trivial things. They say things like "She twirls her fingers or he rubs his nose when he speaks" We hear of people getting rejected for such minor quirks and mannerisms. That is why first impressions are often important. Temperament and attitude which are both reflections of our inner character are also big factors when it comes to like-ability. One's work, education and income can also be important, decisive factors for some people.
There is also no doubt that attire, grooming, hygiene and posture affect how we measure each other. These might be areas where "the children of this world are wiser than the children of light" but it does not have to be necessarily so. The people of the world learn early on how to play 'the game of love' from 'externals' and they get very good at it, but we have to learn to trust in The Lord. They know how to wash the outside of the cup and yet it's dirty inside; we concentrate on the inside, in the planting of virtues and plucking of sin.
We hate to sound like the TV makeover gurus but it is still needful to take care of the outside and often its what gets our foot in the door of love(We apologize to you anointed pilgrims in your Khaki's and camel hair attire but it needs to be said in this context, as some of us can be negligent of it) Our body image, our looks, attire and grooming are important because a lot of people's decisions primarily pivot on these factors. Within limits, we can all help our outward image by spending some time in front of the mirror. It goes without saying that cultivating one's flowers and garden well invites the butterflies and bees to come. Once they show up we still have to go through a selection process.
Looking for Love
We hope what we said so far makes sense to some of you and that it encourages you to seek to know Christ more in the short time that is left. There are plenty of other writes are who are better placed and more qualified to write about courtship and the mechanics of searching for a mate. Please feel free to consult these sources where ours seems deficient, skewed or unrealistic. This book is mostly about the important and yet often wanting spiritual, biblical, theological and philosophical ideals regarding marriage and singleness. However, before we establish those we want to touch on some of the realities and the practical aspects of searching for a mate. While we have the workings of a particular culture in mind, we might not do justice to the dynamics of interactions in your corner of the universe. Please feel free to use your own imagination to fill in the details where our descriptions seem to be lacking.
Jesus said of the single calling “not everyone can receive it" so it’s not for everyone. Of course, if one finds their true friend and partner, it’s a wonderful thing and they should consummate a marriage. However, not all of us will find it easy to find a mate in our modern, irreverent, sin and self worshiping world. Christians might find their way of life to be a rarity even as they themselves are. A significant portion of the pool of christian 'single' people over their late thirties would have gone through one or more relationships, some of whom may still be binding according to scripture. In addition, to make matters more complicated, each individual is bound to have various social, medical, psychological and economical issues that need to be worked out before reaching a cleared flag to marry.
Searching for friends in the internet age
Some of us are pining for someone to set us up. Where is Tzeitel* when you need her? Today, we have thousands of computer servers and their webmasters doing her services. This has brought millions of people together so they can try to make a connection. This is an incredible advancement but as we find out soon enough it can be deceptive. We have all logged on, created a profile and waited until "we got mail". Some of us are still waiting! While it has increased our possibilities it may make us overlook what is close to us and in front of us "This lady from Scandinavia has a great testimony,... that African guy is an upstanding member of society" etc etc. The Logistics can be a nightmare and the information can be endless; it's also very easy for people to misrepresent themselves for comic or more ominously for nefarious reasons. While the number of choices for friendships may be unlimited the task of vetting for a single choice is virtually impossible. Good or bad, internet dating has become a popular way of life for today's tech-savvy generation and has become part of many people's calculations when it comes to searching for a mate. It has given an option to people who cannot meet people in the conventional ways or who may find that they are too tied up with work not to be able to socialize.However, it still remains true, that there is no better place for us than the local church, where to foster friendships, know about each other’s character, testimony and worship-life. .
Desirability and attraction
Looks are the reason why Mathilda married way before her brighter friend Jennifer leaving Jennie a little sad and at the same time struggling to be happy for her friend. Its just a general fact of life that those with genes for good looks or with better social status and wealth will advance to the finals sooner in the game of love. Some of us might like to marry persons created in the image of Ken and Barbie who are also super-spiritual. But we will find that there aren't enough to go around and that they are usually all taken by others who are from similar gene pools. Some of us are late bloomers and only catch up to our rich or statuesque peers later in life.
23 and those [parts] of the body, which we think to be less honorable, upon these we bestow more abundant honor; and our uncomely [parts] have more abundant comeliness; 24 whereas our comely [parts] have no need: but God tempered the body together, giving more abundant honor to that [part] which lacked; 25 that there should be no schism in the body; but [that] the members should have the same care one for another.( I Corinthians 12: 19-29)
There is however no need for anxiety as God is not a respecter of persons(Or In the original language no respecter of 'faces'). He has a way of compensating the plain or average among us the way he compensated the attention starved Leah over her beautiful sister Rachel by making her womb fertile (Genesis ch. 29:31). In many instances in scripture, God is seen to be present among His people as an equalizer, giving favor to those who are seemingly left behind. Those who are first are seen ending up being last and vice-versa. Jesus himself was despised and rejected many times; He was considered uneducated, rough and may not have been that good looking! Paul was maligned in the same manner. God often chooses the weak, beggarly and 'non-beautiful' of the world for himself(1 Cor. 2:28-29). We should take courage that where we start in life may not matter if God is working in our lives, for He is able to take us to greater heights than what we have known.
Because appearances play a role in courtship, a small mention needs to be made of what we find attractive and desirable in one another. Desirability, often connected with looks and considered to be mainly visual, also includes things like intellect, personality and spirituality, but ultimately is only known to the mysterious chooser hidden deep within the seeker's psyche (mind). The Holy Spirit's influence can't be discounted here but we will limit ourselves to the human side of attraction for now. Some people's chooser is quite fickle and rejects people for small trivial things. They say things like "She twirls her fingers or he rubs his nose when he speaks" We hear of people getting rejected for such minor quirks and mannerisms. That is why first impressions are often important. Temperament and attitude which are both reflections of our inner character are also big factors when it comes to like-ability. One's work, education and income can also be important, decisive factors for some people.
There is also no doubt that attire, grooming, hygiene and posture affect how we measure each other. These might be areas where "the children of this world are wiser than the children of light" but it does not have to be necessarily so. The people of the world learn early on how to play 'the game of love' from 'externals' and they get very good at it, but we have to learn to trust in The Lord. They know how to wash the outside of the cup and yet it's dirty inside; we concentrate on the inside, in the planting of virtues and plucking of sin.
We hate to sound like the TV makeover gurus but it is still needful to take care of the outside and often its what gets our foot in the door of love(We apologize to you anointed pilgrims in your Khaki's and camel hair attire but it needs to be said in this context, as some of us can be negligent of it) Our body image, our looks, attire and grooming are important because a lot of people's decisions primarily pivot on these factors. Within limits, we can all help our outward image by spending some time in front of the mirror. It goes without saying that cultivating one's flowers and garden well invites the butterflies and bees to come. Once they show up we still have to go through a selection process.
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