Excerpts: New Chapter: Communication

We will include here a small discussion of interpersonal communication as it relates to the search for love. The following questions are examples of how communication plays a role in our search for a suitable companion. How are the signals we are giving and receiving being interpreted or deciphered? How can we hone and develop our communication skills so people understand exactly what we want to convey? Can we tell if he or she interested? Does she or he like me? Is their body language a predictor of whether they will say ”Yes”, ”No” or the dreaded ”Let’s just be friends”? Are they getting what we mean? Do we need to make ourselves clearer or are we perhaps pitching too hard? Do we need to take a hint that we might not be someone’s cup of tea? All of these questions have to do with our abilities to read and understand the signals we are giving and receiving from people.

One of the things we will need to have while looking and interacting with prospective friends is good communication skills. A great communicator is someone who is also a great listener. They can put themselves in other people’s shoes and understand where they are coming from while at the same time being able to convey their own thoughts well.

Communication with people whose background is from ‘reserved’ cultures tends to be slow paced while it tends to move fast in open cultures like in the United States. People from cultures where the parents are the ones who go in search of an appropriate mate for their children might tend to be reserved, quite or even withdrawn. The western cultures are quite the opposite in this regard and people learn how to communicate very well early on in their development. It's helpful to be aware of this when we interact with people from various backgrounds.

A Timely honest direct approach
“Let your Yes be Yes and you No be no”

Communication Rule # 1: Don’t keep them hanging

Sometimes we know if we are interested in someone who is propositioning us but they might be oblivious to our own feelings. It therefore becomes a matter of conscience and good form to let them know if we are interested or not. Fear or shyness may not be a good quality when it comes to love and relationships as it can stall us for too long in an unresolved state.

Rule # 2 Be direct

If we are interested in someone we should talk to them with a reasonable amount of directness. One of the best ways to express our interest is to tell them what we are thinking through a well prepared letter. This might be better than bringing it up during a conversation, over coffee or over the phone, because it will allow us to think through what we want to say and correct any mistakes before we say it. However strong we might feel, it’s better to keep our pitch light and not be too heavy handed. If they don't reciprocate our feeling, it will give everyone an easy way out.

Caution: Misunderstood

Because The Lamb is who we emulate and kindness has become our nature people often misjudge our gestures for romantic interest both in and outside of the church. Therefore we have to be careful how we project ourselves not to give people the wrong ideas. Signals meant to convey ‘Phileo’ love are often misunderstood as Eros love so we need to be careful not to lead people on. At the same time we need to put out signals that that are clear enough for conveying the feeling or emotion we want to transmit to perspective friends. Nuff said. (That's all we will say her and now).